She saw me,
With a face like my own.
A heart I could tell,
Had its eyes set on home.
We took time together,
Walked home from school every day.
Didn't matter, if we held hands,
Or what others would say.
I've never been the same
Since that day.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,853 Reviews
You all got your try at romance. That's what I'm saying; I knew the girl in the poem.
Man, I'm impressed with the shorter poems I"ve seen lately...
Because they're all working so well. Usually I have trouble read1nig short poems becuase I myself take a while to build up a poem, so mine are almost asways long. But this was impressive because there was no hidden meaning in it; it was simply an expression of how something caused a change in the narrator's life. That's what I like so much about this one.
Keep it up.
Normally I don't comment on the lenght of a poem as long as the entire story is told. However, in this case I feel that it is too short. We get the background information about the typical interraction between the two characters, but don't find out anything about the day that changes everything. I found that annoying, because that was the point of the poem. It has a lot of potential. Try to expand it so the reader knows what happens.