Kaylyn

“How happy you are, wretched mortal…” Nice way to start it out... Hands were holding him at the ground as he was struggling of pain. He let out a scream ...

*applaudes loudly* Very good it draws my attention in fron the start. It keeps me interested and wondering whats next, and leaves me full of questions wanting to devour the ...

Okay, okay it isn't that bad. It isn't like Eragon.(I love Eragon by the way.) *glares at Lord Anzius* There's no connection to me... Anyways I really really like it ...

*breaks out into applause* Love what you've got so far. It was explained in such good detail... especially for you to be only 14 and a junior writer... I really ...

I like this length it short enjoy to read, but not so long your eyes go cross eyed from reading it. this story seems very interesting... The flame spluttered and ...

Okay, caught some spelling mistakes, but I'll fix them right up. Please don't take it the wrong way. I am just suggesting the following improvements. I like the story so ...

This sounds very original, I like it so far. A magical bed? Cool. Anyways describe this place a little more. You might even want to explain and put in more ...

Okay your story is original, I like it so far, but it has a few mistakes. First of all pick a tense. Another is the fact that you keep rotating ...

Okay.... that was a bit of a weird short story. Very... Unusual. It sounds pretty good. I can honestly say I have never read anything like it. I would recommend ...

Okay you intruduce the characters way too fast. You provide no details... I don't mean to be rude but it is boring. Spice it up some. Also you need to ...

I really like the plot, very original. I will not point out the grammar mistakes because everyone else has already done so. It got a bit confusing with all the ...

Okay to make the flashbacks less confusing to the reader, you should put them in italics. Makes it ALOT easier on the reader. I didn't spot any grammar mistakes, but ...

Okay this sound alot like a story i have read somewhere before....I mean alot like it. The training, the mission, the close friend.... it really sounds familiar. Just letting you ...

Okay there is a little bit of Eragon in here with the whole farm boy and all then finding out that he is something great. A little bit of Dragonflight ...

I like what you have so far. There are a few grammar mistakes but they have been addressed already so I won't go back over them. I agree that it ...