Young Writers Society

Great job on this although I am a bit confused on this though. You totally write like one of my friends, (that's a compliment). I hope you continue it, although you didn't seem to continue the other prologue, (you know, magic hurts, my family uses family tree as wallpaper,) although please do correct me if I am incorrect.
"And the truth, when hidden, can be so much more dangerous.)
Oooh, fancy (true.)
What's next!

*applaudes loudly*

Very good it draws my attention in fron the start. It keeps me interested and wondering whats next, and leaves me full of questions wanting to devour the pages. In such little time too. I hope you continue it, I would love to know what happens next! Pm me when you come out would more, I want to read it!!!

*pounds the computer*
Where's the next chapter!!!

Very interesting. As if the storyteller or the announcer is talking to an audience.

Yeah, I've to agree with the others, because for the word 'events' it will be more better if you put 'instances'

And I like the name Taphis. Somehow, it seems new and uncommon.

I like it. Great work.

Haha. Are you going to write more of this?

I can imagine it being kind of wary to write a story you're used to telling orally. It's hard to get the same effect. But good luck with it ayway! I like the way your write, and so I look forward to this.

I... knew that.

I'd never thought too much on the purpose of the prologue in Job. But, yeah, DarkerSarah, you're right.

Oh, and Snoink, the reference is to the book of Job in the Bible.

No, don't worry, you make sense. ^_^ But this story has never been written out before (thus, the reason why you've never read it Beet). I've always told it orally to people. This is supposed to imitate a storyteller in the way that it draws you in with a gentle feeling and then sets your mind ready to be told a story. You aren't told about what the story is about, nor the history of the setting, because it's not about that so much as a grand story. Of course, my muse for this prologue is Rudyard Kipling. *blushes*

The main reason, I suppose, why it isn't attached to the main story is because this is in first person and the story is in third. So it wouldn't attach on.

And what is Job?

Isn't that too short, Snoink? It's nice and I'm interested about the Swans and such, but you could do a little more to make it more interesting. I love simple words...so...yay! Like I said, I just think it needs to be longer, or it's pointless. Couldn't you just put that into the very beginning of the first chapter? Hrm...or does that defeat the entire purpose of what you've written. Ah...I just find it a bit pointless, I guess.

An example of a good prologue, in my mind, is the one for Job. It gives you information you need for the story, without being a part of the story, or taking away from the story. You could read the story of Job seperately from its prologue, and it would make sense, but the prologue enhances the story creatively and purposefully.

So...I just think it should be longer and have a point besides: I'm your narrator and my name is Tahpis. Si? I'll even dare to disagree with The Prologue Slayer on this one.

Ah, if any of that was unclear, just ask me to explain and I'll try.

Interesting. Really pulled me in, and I love the feel of it. Of course, now I'm totally confused, cause I have no clue what you're talking about, but... I guess that's what the rest of the story is for.

I have to admit (don't hate me, Griffinkeeper), I'm a big fan of prologues.

Even though I normally discourage writers from writing in first person for prologues, this one works because the person is the author (in character) and not necessarily a main character. Since it doesn't make chapter one obselete and actually enhances your anticipation, this prologue is done correctly.

"The Prologue Slayer"

I'm glad that, on the whole, people like it. My brother, the official prologue-slayer, even said it was okay. Yay!

But... as for the words, I don't know. Taphis loves to use simplistic words to tell his stories, and then he weaves these simplistic words together for some really beautiful effects. And as for this?

*stares at the story*

I'll get it in the end, promise. *brings out shotgun*

Would you like to read more?

Have to agree with Sam on the word "events", and the same with "poor" to describe the author. maybe humble?

yeah, I rather like these types of beginnings as well... must be my strange fascination with dickens/hugo era writers..

anyhoo, I know, i said I'd look at this tomorrow (bloggie!), but I couldn't resist taking a peak.

and to answer your question below, yeah, I'd like to see more.

That *is* really cool. It's probably just my tastes, but I love these kinds of beginnings.

'But in the end, events lay as they are.'

Change 'events' to 'instances'. You use the word events far too much.

Other than that...not much...

i really liked this prologue. personally, i don't think you should change. it sounds kinda...odd to me when reichieru. not really sure why, though. i think this way makes it seem more relaxed and whatnot. i like it.

I do have a personal dislike for this kind of beginning, but you could pull this off. You've got a interesting, authentic voice. However, I'm not sure I like that you refer to the reader. So instead of saying:

"I shall try to inform you, my reader, of what really happened with Solea"

You could say, "I shall try to recount what really happened to Solea." Well, not exactly that, but you get the picture.

It seems like the kind of story that would be best suited to an oral retelling. I would suggest writing it in a way that you're still speaking to the audience, but not one that implies what kind of audience it is, ie reading, viewing, or listening.

Creepy.
Am I in it?

I liked the way you seemed to talk to the audience... so if you say anything bad I'll take it to the upmost offence.
Nice