KatGirl

Mrs. Dave: Tracy!!! (Shouts) aren’t you goanna take breakfast, what’s taking you so long to come downstairs? Replace "goanna" with "going to." Just a spelling mistake. Also, in actual writing/publ

Your title, 'canvass' should be 'canvas'. I see that you are bunching together words that shouldn't be together, spacing periods/ending of sentences oddly(where they should not go). I think the ...

The first paragraph should be separated because two characters are talking in a paragraph, so once Izzy responds just cut it off there. She was grabbed into the air. Izzy ...

Exceptionally well-written. I must say, however, that perhaps you should separate your story into two sections, just so that readers are more interested because most of us YWS people are ...

I have to agree with ClackFlip. I too, had to read it twice because it was going so quickly paced that it was hard to even understand what was going ...

It has potential, but that's pretty much all I can say. This is quite short and has a good handful of grammatical mistakes, which could be repelling a lot of ...

Good. However, I don't know if it's just me, but I am not exactly grasping what happens after the general is about to shoot Jacob. Why was he doing it? ...

There isn't much to say except that this does seem very realistic; not like those stories with cardboard characters and cliché action scenes. However, I think you should explain what ...

Hello! Sorry I haven't read your previous chapters, but from this one, I can see it has a nice plot. “I don’t know! Why?!” he’s days with barely contained anger ...

I think that you could drag this out more and instead of them just being in a cave entire time, perhaps they could do something else? I know I haven't ...

This piece seems open to much improvement. I don't know what 'Blade Online' is, but I caught quite a few nitpicks that I can help you with :) "Uhh, yeah ...

I felt like this was way too small. This could've been open to so much more since the sky is such a wide horizon. Sorry for the pun. xD When ...

I guess I'll just get to the nitpicking part.. xD (I like how you interrupt the story with the characters by only the first letters! It gives it a fancy ...

I just wanted to point out that in your description, instead of execution, it said 'excruction'. This reminds me of the book Talon. {They're dragons under cover} The dialogue seems ...

(I have a character in my book named Eve, almost the same thing as your character!) To me, this felt simplistic but in a good way. It wasn't too 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! ...