z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Who Came Back Home?

by Bukkiee


EPISODE ONE

(The play starts as a girl, dark in complexion, not too tall and not too skinny, dressing up for school. It’s her first day at school, she is very eager to go to school. As an American setting, she couldn’t wait for the fun and amusements, as she watches on the TV when she was in Nigeria, and so her mother comes in)

Mrs. Dave: Tracy!!! (Shouts) aren’t you goanna take breakfast, what’s taking you so long to come downstairs?

Tracy: Mum!!! (Smiles) am coming (combs her hair as she watches the mirror, admiring herself.

Mrs. Dave: (Opens the door and comes in) she looked at Tracy in amusement) wow! Come here baby (hugs her), you look beautiful (helps her to park her hair)

Tracy: Mum, you know it’s my first day at school; I want to have a nice look.

Mrs. Dave: You deserve that; have you polished your shoe?

Tracy: Yes mum, I have done that yesterday. (Smiles)

Mrs. Dave: That’s very good of you …. (Mood changes frantically) Tracy! Am goanna miss you!

Tracy: (feeling sorry) mum!, aren’t you happy that am going to High School?

Mrs. Dave: Yes of course!, am happy for you my dear.

Tracy: Then don’t change your mood, because I would always love you. (Hugs her mother)

Mrs. Dave: I would always love you and your father (sobs)

Tracy: (cleans her mother’s tears) don’t worry mama everything is goanna be alright, if not for that, we won’t be here in America.

Mrs. Dave: Tracy, your breakfast is on the table, Go! Go!! Go!!! (Tickles her)

Tracy: (laughs out loud and rushes to the dining room)

Mrs. Dave: (sights) My Pumpkin

(camera moves to the house of Mrs. Simpson as she was scolding her son for wasting the dinner she prepared for him the previous night, as she was doing this, her son was dressing up for school)

Mrs. Simpson: (With a red headed shout) William!!!! Where are you?

William: (putting on his trousers) yes mum!, am dressing up for school.

Mrs. Simpson: (moves closer to William’s door and knocks) can I come in?

William: Oh yes mum, you can (rushes with his trousers)

Mrs. Simpson: (holding the left over) what’s this?

William: Mum, it was the dish you prepared yesterday.

Mrs. Simpson: Then why didn’t you finish it up yesterday? (Keeping calm)

William: Mum!, I was filled up yesterday, you know not too long after i left for the shopping mall, that was when you prepared the food and when I came back I had eaten…(pauses)

Mrs. Simpson: (gets angry) will you keep shut!

William: (sits on the chair) mum am so sorry

Mrs. Simpson: (drops the dish on the table) be sorry for yourself, get this dish cleaned up.

William: (looks up to his mother) no problem mama

Mrs. Simpson: (moves toward the door and opens then slams the door at him)

William: Oh mehn!, that was shit (checks the clock, it’s almost 7:50am) what the…..(Mrs. Simpson opens the door)

Mrs. Simpson: The bus is waiting for you, make it snappy and pack your bag.

(In Nigeria, Sharon wakes up from the bed and goes to the mirror to check herself, she is a little bit fair not too tall and not too skinny)

Sharon: Can’t wait for the flight (smiles) at last would be travelling to the US (giggles) (The door moved as a young lady enters into the room, Sharon looks through the mirror) Good morning!

Anita: Good morning dearie, how was your night.

Sharon: My night was splendid yours?

Anita: My night was also awesome (giggles) can’t wait for the flight.

Sharon: What time is it?

Anita: (checks the clock for the time it’s just 10:00am)

Sharon: So when do we start parking our things?

Anita: We would start right away (they both hug each other). We would only pack our clothes, shoes, accessories and that’s all.

Sharon: No problem (they began to pack their things)

(Back to America in Mrs. Dave’s house, in the Kitchen preparing breakfast as Tracy was in the dining room eating sandwich).

Tracy: Mum…..i need the tea.

Mrs. Dave: (holding a tray with a glass of beverage and milk) now this is the tea, sip some. (Hands it over to her)

Tracy: (collects the tray from her mother) thank you (sips a little and picks up her bag) mum am off to school.

Mrs. Dave: Okay (pecks her) play safe

Tracy: Yes mama, I will.

(Tracy leaves)

Mrs. Dave: Hmnn (sights), she’s so cute!, just hope she plays safe. Wonder how I will cope, when she gets married.

Tracy: I will always visit you!! (Shouts from behind)

Mrs. Dave: (laughs) so you haven’t taken your leave.

Tracy: Not yet…. (Moves towards the door and slams the door)

Mrs. Dave: Now she’s gone; gone for good; would make sure I prepare her a nice launch.

(The camera moves to William’s house, as he packs his school bag and rushes to the bus).

William: Bye mum (he enters, he moves through the passage to search for a sit for himself but every sit was occupied except from one) oh!! (sights) thank God. (He sits). The bus waited at the next junction as Tracy enters, she sits next to William and greets him)

Tracy: Hey!!! Good morning

William: (Always shy while talking to girls) Hello!!! (stammers) are you new here?

Tracy: (pretends not to listen to him) pardon?

William: (rephrases the sentence) you must be new here

Tracy: Yes!, just came from Nigeria.

William: Nigeria? Wow!, you’re going to face a lot of challenge at school.

Tracy: Why did you say that?

William: We the white don’t really associate with the blacks

Tracy: Then why are you talking to me?

William: (pauses for a while)

(The bus stopped at the entrance of the school as the entire student inside the bus got down, Tracy also got down, looking surprised to see the environment of the school, she looked at the school’s sign board, and she saw the name of the school, although it’s a high school “Cambridge High School”.

Tracy: Jeez! This is wow! Just exactly as those I do watch on the TV.

(The school bell rang and she rushes to the building, she enters with confusion, actually she doesn’t know the class to go to; when she was in Nigeria she was in ss1 and here she doesn’t know what to call it, she was looking at every tag on each doors and she enters the principal’s office).

Tracy: Good morning madam

Principal: Good morning young girl, you must be the new girl?

Tracy: Yes madam.

Principal: You can have your sit, so what grade are you?

Tracy: (soliloquizing) Jeez, I don’t know what she meant by grade. Well I don’t know but when I was in Nigeria, I was in ss1.

Principal: (calculates) well you are in grade 4, but you will have to be in grade 5 now. I hope you completed your grade 4 successfully.

Tracy: (looking confused) yes!, I did.

Principal: (stands up) so what is your name?

Tracy: My name is Tracy Dave.

Principal: Nice name, now follow me, let me take you to your locker let me show you what we have for you.

Tracy: No problem ma, I would be happy to follow you. (Smiles)

(They both left the office and went to the passage, where all the lockers were placed)

Principal: Tracy!, this is your locker (she opens it)

Tracy: This is nice, I love the color

Principal: yes you will love it, it’s what we do, and we make our students happy.

Tracy: (hugs her) thank you!

Principal: You are welcome, so I’ll leave now.

Tracy: (opens the locker and picks all her material and drops her bag, she also saw the time table, she had biology she rushed and moved to the class, when she entered the class, she tried not to disturb the teacher so she ran and started searching for her sit, as the normal setting of the school, everyone must have a sit partner; a male and a female)

Mrs. Compton: Hey girl, why are you just coming in into my class?

Tracy: (she looks at the teacher) I am sorry madam

Mrs. Compton: Guess you are new, so you will have so much catching up to do.

Tracy: Yes madam

Mrs. Compton: Now go to your sit, sit anywhere you will be comfortable.

Tracy: (walks along the class and sat next to the white boy, she made sure there is a lot of distance between the two of them). Hi

Joe: Hello.

Tracy: (tries to focus on the teacher)

Joe: (moves closer to her) where do you stay?

Tracy: (trying to be aggressive) can you just let me be? I am a new student and I need to focus on what the teacher is saying.

Joe: Doesn’t mean you scream.

Tracy: (stood up and sits with William)

William: Sorry for that, that is one of the challenges.

Tracy: That’s no challenge; I’ve got this on my own.

(Bell rings)

(Its break time, Williams and Tracy hangs out and goes to the cafeteria)

William: So when do you intend leaving the US?

Tracy: I don’t know, maybe when am done with my education

William: In which part of Nigeria did you come from?

Tracy: Hmnn…Lagos.

William: Lovely, heard of that part though, so how was it when you were there?

Tracy: Very annoying; there is lots of stress, and filled with evil tracts (they lined up to collect their launch, Tracy tries to change the topic) so what will you go for?....I mean for launch.

William: Whatever you go for.

Tracy: Well do you mind, if I take rice?

William: Rice?, there are different types of rice here, we’ve got the Spanish rice, fried rice, coconut rice and so on, so which do you prefer?

Tracy: Let’s forget about rice, would go for burger; and sandwich.

William: Cool!..(Tracy is the nest person on the line) Hey, next on line.

Tracy: Do you mind if I get two burger and sandwich? Served differently?

Waitress: No problem, any drink?

Tracy: Hmmn…just give me any drink (William interferes)

William: Give her Fanta, also give me the same lunch as hers.

Tracy: (collects hers and moves) Am waiting

William: (sighting Tracy), ok am coming (takes hold of Tracy’s hand)

Tracy: So where are we goanna sit, guess there aren’t enough sits here.

William: We have to walk towards the back.

Tracy: No problem, (sights a chair and a table) Ops! That’s one (pulls out and sits)

William: So…would you like to go to college here in USA?

Tracy: Yes of cause, I have been wishing to study in USA, now that am in US, what else do you expect?

William: Guess your dream is really coming to reality?

Tracy: Sure (takes a bite) hmnn, it tastes nice…really nice

William: Yes Sure (takes a bite).

(In Nigeria, Anita & Sharon are already in the airport, trying to get their bags into the plane).

Anita: Hope you took everything you are supposed to take?

Sharon: Yes Sure, if I need anything, I would get it over there (sights) and less I forget..I took some rice.

Anita: You mean the fried rice I prepared and stored in the refrigerator?

Sharon: Yes, but I micro waved it.

Anita: Ok, that is alright we would eat it when we are hungry

Sharon: (Nods) Yes.

(All passengers are already in the plane, and the plane is ready to take off, passengers inside the plane took their sit belt)

(Back to Cambridge High School, Tracy and William are seen discussing, camera moves to another student, and concentrates to some group of girls who were discussing)

Billy: Have you heard about the Summer Camping?

Tutu: Sumer Camping? No, I haven’t heard, have you? (Referring to Kat)

Kat: Not at all, so what is going on with the camping?, do you know further details about it?

Billy: Yes, Sure. It comprises of all students nationwide, that’s the only details I know.

Tutu: May God help!

Billy: (sights)

(Light Fades)


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
94 Reviews


Points: 253
Reviews: 94

Donate
Sun Aug 09, 2015 10:18 pm
KatGirl wrote a review...



Mrs. Dave: Tracy!!! (Shouts) aren’t you goanna take breakfast, what’s taking you so long to come downstairs?

Replace "goanna" with "going to." Just a spelling mistake. Also, in actual writing/publishing, its best not to have so many exclamation marks.

Tracy: Mum!!! (Smiles) am coming (combs her hair as she watches the mirror, admiring herself.

Shouldn't you use dialogue? And now it's a fragment now because you said, "am coming." It should be: "I am coming!" Also, again with the exclamation marks.

Mrs. Dave: (Opens the door and comes in) she looked at Tracy in amusement) wow! Come here baby (hugs her), you look beautiful (helps her to park her hair)

Should be: "Wow! Come here baby!"(hugs her), "You look beautiful!"(helps her to part her hair)

At least I think you meant part, because park doesn't make sense.


(With a red headed shout) William!!!! Where are you?

What exactly do you mean by a "red headed shout"? It makes no sense.

Tracy: Mum…..i need the tea.

I is capitalized always, it's the most basic rule of writing.


Mrs. Simpson: (gets angry) will you keep shut!

The way you worded this makes it sound like Mrs. Simpson is talking to a door, literally. Replace it with:
"Be quiet!", or "Please be quiet!", or "Shut up!"


Overall, there was many errors and the most simplest things were messed up. It has potential, but it's just all over the place and the mistakes make it undesirable to read. If you fixed this, it would be much better--the grammar is a roadblock in the entire story.

The way you write makes it hard to understand the script.



Random avatar
Bukkiee says...


thanks Kat girl



KatGirl says...


No problem. :)



User avatar
163 Reviews


Points: 5016
Reviews: 163

Donate
Sun Aug 09, 2015 10:11 am
Mysticalxx wrote a review...



Alright.......interesting theme but really, really confusing. There are three different scenarios, right? All in different places? Well, then you should break it down into Scene 1, Scene 2 and so on. And you should write the narrator's script before each one. It won't be classified as a real play, if you don't.

Also, please work on the punctuation and tenses. Everywhere, instead of "sighs'', you've written "sights". I suggest you edit that.

Keep writing! :)

Mysticalxx



Random avatar
Bukkiee says...


thanl yo mysticalxx.....


Random avatar
Bukkiee says...


i guess i've gat a lot of work @ du...mauh!



Random avatar

Points: 240
Reviews: 0

Donate
Fri Aug 07, 2015 2:06 pm
Bukkiee says...



thanks mysticalxx



Random avatar
Bukkiee says...


thanks mysticalxx



Mysticalxx says...


Don't be disheartened; I'm sure this play will turn out great! Keep it up. :)


Random avatar
Bukkiee says...


yhh..started episode 2 alredi..itz lyk abou supernatural creatures




I *do* like flipping tables.
— Faye Whitaker, Questionable Content