Kale

Your first poem could do with a whole lot of expansion. Right now, I feel like you were going somewhere, but then you suddenly dropped it. Explain how poems are ...

I gived you all I had, "Gave", not "gived". Lyrics should be punctuated following the same rules as prose and poetry. Right now, these lyrics are not, and it leads ...

Brutal honesty ahead. Brace yourself, or don't read. There were a lot of spelling mistakes in this, and you really need more punctuation. Poetry and songs are punctuated the same ...

PhoenixBishop was quite thorough in his review, so I'll just be basically reinforcing what he said. You have a lot of infodumps. The one in the classroom wasn't so bad ...

Cogito ergo sum. I think, therefore I am. This simple statement, made by Euclid so many years before this day Descartes, not Euclid. Carpe deum. Carpe diem. This was entirely ...

Hey there. You might want get around to reviewing other users' works; it'll not only get you more reviews, but also the points you need to post more of your ...

(alcohol) quit whenever you want. I think it works better phrased "quit (alcohol) whenever you want." It makes more sense and fits in with how you've placed the other such ...

The first thing that caught my eye was the lack of punctuation. This is not a good thing. Right now, without most of the punctuation, it's difficult to read and ...

Hello there. You might want to get around to reviewing other users' works. Not only will it get you more reviews, but it'll also get you the points you need ...

You had a strong rhyme, but, as carden already pointed out, you sacrificed coherency in some places and consistency in others. A lot of your lines have different lengths, which ...

It was heartfelt, and the simplicity of the language really made it such. However, as sarebear already mentioned, there's no clear pattern to the lyrics. What's their rhyme pattern? It ...

In addition to what Suzanne said about the rhyming, I think this poem would benefit if you broke it up into stanzas. Right now, there's no separation between the lines, ...

I loved the story of the poem. I've always had a soft spot for folklore and mythology, and this poem has a very folkloric feel to it. As Suzanne has ...

I agree with Suzanne. The lack of punctuation is more chaotic than anything, and it, coupled with the capitalization of the first letter of every line and the line breaks ...

Lalaith she was called, Laughter in our tongue; This line tripped me up because it's rhythm is so different from and it's much longer than the first two lines. I ...