Why My Heart Beats

yea, I might have to edit it, I didn't notice when I posted it that it's didn't separate the verses. It's not my best work. My other lyrics; The Perfect Kiss In This Fantasy is so much better than this one. And I did write this without a rhyme but it flow finely in my mind...

I agree that this would be much easier to critique for you if you show where the verses begin/end. When I first read through I just thought the chorus was gigantic. Anyways, some things I noticed was that there was no particular rhyme scheme or if it does, it is only because it is a repeated word. I think the ends of the lines should very more, not just be a repetition of "you" or "home". Also some lines stick out a little bit longer than others, and it might throw off the rhythm of a song, but if you write the music right it could work. Finally, I agree with Elitehusky in that it would be a decent country acoustic/pop song. There is potential.

The first thing that caught my eye was the lack of punctuation. This is not a good thing. Right now, without most of the punctuation, it's difficult to read and understand. Another thing you need to work on is consistency. Right now, chorus aside, the lyrics don't follow any apparent pattern. Do they rhyme, or don't they? Are there five lines per verse, or six? I don't know because it changed throughout the song. It may work with music, but right now, it's hard to tell what is going on.

This would be a good country music song. I categorized in country music largely because of the nature of the lyrics, and how they revolved around love, almost like some of the songs Taylor Swift writes. I cannot find a fault in the lyrics, save perhaps the chorus is a bit long, but considering the size of the entire piece that really is not an issue. This would make a pretty good country music video.

*Note despite the 'bad press' the genre of country music has received I have used it as a compliment. Keep up the good work and I look forward to future pieces.

Sincerely,
-Elitehusky