Kale

It's not a bad start, but this poem could use quite a bit of improvement, mainly with respect to rhythm. The rhyme scheme was fine, but a rhyme scheme isn't ...

First impression: fix the damn formatting. Now. It hurts to read. Their presence disturbed none, M-dash or colon rather than comma. face spurted with dark mud. In my opinion, splattered ...

The rhyme really felt forced, and you sacrificed coherency for rhyme scheme. Not good. And, where are the periods? You used commas for periods which is not good at all. ...

But I haven’t been called by those names in a long while. You only mentioned one name, though. Gods cannot be killed, this is still true. But there are ways ...

So, you have a discerning English teacher who usually recommends classics to her students, and she hands the main character The Host by Stephanie Meyer. I'm sorry. That just completely ...

I can see what you were trying to do with the commas, but it didn't work very well, as you can probably surmise from the other posts. The commas just ...

Swooning strolls through meadow parks, Alleyways of mistful darks. In the wake of sister Mary, This her cross she is to carry. Lovely start. I especially liked "swooning strolls" and ...

I stared at the red flames dancing on a silent beautiful melody. "silent beautiful" feels to me like adjective stacking. Also, how is the fire beautiful? It's warm th battling ...

I like Cino more than Coni. Cino just feels more horsemanish to me. I don't know why. XD “There are so many flowers Coni!” My hands rested on the cobble ...

Hey there! n_n Overall, you have a pretty good grip on basic grammar and spelling. Your comma usage could use a bit of work, but commas are tricky little things; ...

Shadow Tattybogle was quite certain of two things. Firstly, Mistress had chosen a hopelessly uncoordinated dance partner. Second, the man in the corner was going to kill someone. You hooked ...

The second half just confused the heck out of me. @_@ It took a second rereading before I realized the last sentence meant that it was the last time Hiron ...

I like the premise and how you characterized Rumpelstiltskin and the Headless Horseman (is his name Cino or Coni, though?). A little bit more background on both their stories might ...

Frost covered the grass, giving it a silver sheen under the dimly lit streetlights. I had managed to find myself some small black shoes, so my feet were protected from ...

As the spelling/grammar stuff has already been mentioned, I shan't say anything else on the matter. That said, you really do need tags for your dialogue. We readers have no ...