Black fire paralyzed their eyes.
Their presence disturbed none-
a simple change in the wind.
He cringed into a small corner,
face splattered with dark mud.
These chills questioned no one,
Left to do fiery business.
The odd mist on the ground ignored.
Sunken eyes watched like vultures.
Continue on with normal life,
the village knew not what to come.
His precious small hands twiddled,
Their childlike nature conceived.
The moon hung like a menace,
and He struck with vigor.
It looks like other critics got here first. Oh, but I do just want to say, toss the ending line, the repetition isn't needed. The line before that works just as well. Oh, wait, they already covered that too. Oh well! I give it a two-thumbs-and-a-big-toe-up! 
First impression: fix the damn formatting. Now. It hurts to read.
Their presence disturbed none,
face spurted with dark mud.
These chills questioned no one,
Left to do fiery business.
mystymizer wrote:Black fire[s]s[/s] paralyzed their eyes.
Their presence [s]there[/s] disturbed none,
a simple change in the wind.
He cringed into a small corner,
face spurted with dark mud.
These chills questioned no one,
Left to do fiery business.
The odd mist on the ground ignored.
Sunken eyes watched like vultures.
Continue on with normal life,
the village knew not what to come.
His precious small hands twiddled,
Their childlike nature conceived.
The moon hung like a menace,
and He struck with vigor.
[s]Black fires paralyzed their eyes.[/s]
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