Kafkaescence

Let's discuss how this could be improved. I have been in a winter on the edge of a spring -- So has everyone! Why should I care? "I have been" ...

1. Okay, first impression: that last line was totally bizarre. What's the joke? Did I miss something? Also, at times like this? At times like what? 2. This felt incomplete. ...

1. What is the pre-life? Is it just a bunch of people sitting outside God's office waiting to be called in? You don't have to go into too much detail ...

Boring! It's just a collection of disjointed nouns punctuated by heartbeats to make it sound cleverer. For maybe one or two lines this might have worked, maybe, but through an ...

1. And we are faced with yet another chapter in which nothing happens. In honesty, this chapter accomplishes very little. It gives the reader a brief insight into the relationship ...

1. Based on Renjin's history of being uncooperative with Daniel, his sudden willingness to speak with him came across as unrealistic, especially since Renjin supposedly has a tendency toward stubborne

1. I have nothing against an omniscient narrator, but the fact that you switch over to Daniel and give details about his actions and his motives deprive this piece of ...

1. Effy's longing to return home is deep nearing the end of this, but there is not enough justification for it. The last line was weak. Why isn't she sure ...

1. Clearly the sandwich represents the relationship between Jack and Dan, but at the moment it's buried beneath the dialogue and the symbol of the song, to which I think ...

1. Aside from your making him say "um" quite a bit, Matthias is far too natural in dialogue for someone who supposedly avoids people. He did not strike me as ...

1. This was excessively disturbing and excessively graphic. It was like reading the script of an x-rated plotless horror/pornographic film. It was a gruesome half-fantasy infused with an uncensored an

1. Much more effective would be to either a) narrate the story completely with flashbacks or b) weave in and out of flashbacks, but make it clear what is and ...

there are animals fighting outside my window. one is shrieking and thrashing into the plants, sound quickly opened, inspected, and closed. Not a fan of the prosey, storyteller opening, especially ...

1. An ever changing vortex, Crushing bones, Hearts, Souls. Ever changing, Ever killing, Breaking hearts. Why repeat these same points? Grace lies in precision and brevity. These two stanzas say ...

This was cluttered. Though I do like the originality with which you approach the subject, there's a lot of stuff here that could be cut. The beauty of a short ...