KJ

I liked your descriptions. It was a little unrealistic that the cab driver just let the man go when he didn't pay, but I guess that's just part of the ...

Since this takes place in present-day (at least that was the impression I got from the woman with the folder and the fluorescent lights), the whole coin-thing with the guards ...

What time does this take place in? The language your main character uses makes me feel as if it's 2008. You use "okay" a lot, and "come on". If it ...

I really liked this. When I read the "Once upon a time" thing, I thought, oh great here we go... but it was great! There were a few mistakes here ...

I know you posted this a while ago, but I wanted to review something I haven't read before, and I've read all the new submissions. Here it is: Pretty good. ...

I’m going to nit-pick first. But don’t worry; there are positive things to say at the end. First of all, after the scene of the mother leaving her child, and ...

He is obviously very old, and looks harmless enough, but you never know with strangers Really the only problem I have with this. The "you never know with strangers" doesn't ...

As I sat on the edge of my window, staring outside, watching the day pass me by. Would sound better as something like: As I sat on the edge of ...

I also like "stone" better for the description. And I liked this whole thing. Very interesting. I was a little confused on the seller-customer part. I found myself thinking that ...

This is really good. Your descriptions are rich and the flow of the plot and dialogue was great. The battle scene was well done... but I kind of wish there ...

and i wonder-could they compare their worth?? Don't like the two exclamation points. And the i's need to be capitalized. flows over her shoulders and down Would sound better as: ...

This seems like it would belong more in the Poetry. Not in Other Fiction. It was creative and thoughtful, and I liked it, however. If you really want this to ...

Okay, first of all I know that you wrote this a really really long time ago and you probably have no intention of even going back and fixing this, but ...

I didn't think your hook was that great. Nothing struck me about it. There was nothing original. You have a good writing style, and the rest was interesting, but I ...

This sounds like a poem, to tell you the truth. It's written in a way that is fast and confusing and no one knows what's going on, also. Creative, and ...