JosephDean

Let me critique first :) I took a deep breath and let it out, watching the air puff up, up, and away. As soon as I stepped inside, I power-walked ...

So you're trying to go 9-8-7...and so-on with the syllables, right? Awesome! Period at the end of the first line. Period at the end of the second line. And periods ...

His eyes were soft and them my body began to feel the same. It should have a comma after "soft" and correct "them" to "then." Even still, "then my body ...

Very nice! You should be sure to capitalise the first word in every line. that I reeked of desperation, If you're going to keep punctuation in your poem, that comma ...

*Has a bad seventh grade flashback* Hatchet .... *shudder* The entire time I was just yelling at the pages, "Die already!" Also, I think it's called Tru Confessions ... about ...

Wow, I just finished it a little over an hour ago. I'm confident in saying that it was much better than Twilight. The characters were MUCH more believable, and Meyer's ...

Wow, I'm surprised that no one has reviewed this. I know it was written a while back, but anyways... “Do geraniums grow in Cairo?” “Oh please, they grow wherever.” “They ...

Wow, that was really great! I'm surprised you think that you are lousy at poetry because that one flowed well enough for me :). The first sentence that took up ...

Most of the things that I found have already been mentioned. However... ...his smooth russet skin... There should be a comma between smooth and russet. When you have multiple adjectives ...

Very interesting, indeed! A couple things that jumped out at me though. First, the obvious ones. I moved my bare soles silently across the floor of brown and green, then ...

Haha, I loved that ending. Somewhat predictable, but very much entertaining. Allow me to state that I literally laughed out loud at the blunt use of the .. erm...... italicized ...

I enjoyed it. The lack of capitalization, I will not critique. Keeping it lower-cased throughout made it unfold through the eyes of a child - at least that's the impression ...

Very interesting. I think the way that you organised the words just gave it some extra... what would be the proper word? Oomph? Lol. It just helped it convey its ...

Other than the punctuation mistakes that have already been covered by other patrons, I cannot find any real "mistakes" that make me halt and ask myself what you are trying ...

Well, I must say that the beginning really drew me into the story. I'm all for gory descriptions - they intrigue me - but the ending was kind of a ...