Published September 25, 2008
like poison i slowly engulf you,
your urge to resist is now gone,
addicted to me you are,
mesmerized you shall stay,
you are my conquest,
perhaps you’re more?
time will tell;
if we
fail..
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Canary word: Present
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141,446 Literary Works • 674,458 Reviews
So you're trying to go 9-8-7...and so-on with the syllables, right? Awesome!
Each of those is a complete sentence; putting commas makes comma splices. Also, capitalise each word in the beginning of each line if you want to follow the correct - I laugh at that word, though - poetry guidelines, or leave them lowercased to have a shy, "backing away," feel to it.
Period at the end of the first line. Period at the end of the second line. And periods after the third and fourth lines
Other than the minor punctuation mishaps, this was great. Looking forward to seeing your other works.
it's great
good rhyming and a little bit catchy But great poem i hope you will continue to wright poems
good luck