Jiggity

Okay, you want critique, then prepare yourself. Billions of years ago before the "Big Bang" there was a being of divine power believed to be more powerful than all the ...

That was really enjoyable. The kid daniel is realistically childish (except for one part), and his dialogue is really fun to read. Keep it up. I found one thing: "What ...

Hmmm, I like what Ive read so far, especially the dialogue. However, the whole "im in another world" thing has been done many, many times before. So make sure that ...

This is a request about The Bearer. Could you post the story as one piece? One that isnt interrupted by comments and what not. I'd really appreciate that, but if ...

Its real good, but there are some minore adjustments needed. After the Asian boy in Tommy’s cell had died, it was a sure sign that the stench would increase even ...

Your right about it not seeming to belong in Fantasy...but I'll reserve judgement till the next installment. Otherwise it wasn't that badly written. It does need work though along with ...

*whistles* That was certainly... intense. yes, intense is the word.Or confronting. However, its not perfect. I think there could be some adjustments. though the woman (her name was Alyssa) I ...

the fire roaring off to the left and exotic aromas floating about heavily in the stale air that should be: the fire roaring off to the left and exotic aromas ...

I know this is a strange thing to find fault with, but still: He took a deep breath, snapped his fingers, and muttered, “Fire!” Okay, no offence but that sounds ...

Wow. That was one of the best written stories I've read on this site. Truly an exceptional piece. Some suggestions though: the adventure might do him so good the adventure ...

"his long obsidian leather coat" Obsidian is, as far as i know, a volcanic material and it can not be made into clothing. It would be better to say: his ...

That was very, very good. I liked it and i assume you will connect that event to the first part in the next installment. However: He slid it open, and ...

Is this a prologue, a first chapter, or the entire story? Until i know this I will reserve my judgement. otherwise, here are some suggestions: It had reached its peak ...

hmmm. For the most part i agree with Boni_bee except for her critique of: I turned back to glance at the examiners to see if they were getting a replacement ...

But not before she saw the fear on his face. Strike two; maybe I’ll try the house. im not sure why but that sentence doesnt sit right with me. Also, ...