Jiggity

Welcome to YWS. I dont know about ''bland and shallow'' but it doesnt seem to have a point just now. You may want to expand on what you've got, develop ...

The little gang of kids was not, as any casual observer would think, watching the storyteller. were not, “I saw a lady yesterday, a new lady. She had long black ...

while his old life was swepted away. swept away. This was awesome. Excellently written, flowed well, was interesting and ... I likey very much. The creature itself was a bit ...

Okay, so you've got the beginning's of a story here and for the most part is pretty good, average, I'd say. It could be better. I'm a bit confused as ...

Okay. I'm a bit confused about where you stand with this story. Are you serious about it? It seems good, except there bits and pieces I didnt like. Is this ...

Um, just a question: do you write from a woman's point of view? My kiss once sealed the tomb of his empty mouth I've noticed the 'his' in your pieces ...

Well, I disagree with Claudette. The italicisation made perfect sense, as did the screwing up of the eyes description, which I thought was astute. It fits perfectly, its what everyone ...

[Suggested rewrites are in italics. The water on which the seagull's feathery behind rested on was intensely cold. The water on which the seagull's feathery behind rested, was intensely cold. ...

Well, that was very well written, if long-winded. For the most part I emjoyed, I think it was well written and executed, now I'm not going to be nit-picky I'll ...

leeching to the warmth, I just had a quick glance at this, and I immediately noticed this line: it doesnt make sense. Leeching the warmth, is what your going for. ...

Im going to have to disagree with Myth here, I think you've done extremely well. For sure, I didnt expect anything nearly as good as what I just read, it ...

Spaces. Absolutely essential and I hate having to say this constantly. This is how your story should read: One: Legends of Old Have you ever stopped to wonder why things ...

Ok, wow that was really long and complimacated (yes that was deliberate). So, I'll only say some generic things. First off, the length needs to be offset with some action. ...

Tsk Tsk. That was...disturbing. That whole flirting thing is just...no. *smacks griffy* No! As the resident arab, I demand a bomb of some sort........should I be mentioned........which I should be ...

Okay the way you've set it out is confusing...I dont like this two-thread business. But for the beginning of your story I have the following to say: becoming a rusty ...