Jetpack

I think this is short enough for another line-by-line, so here we go! “Rose...” You could experiment with a few different chapter openings. Dialogue only goes so far. I entered ...

The nitpicks have been generally well handled, so I think I just have to echo a few points here. Well, one point. Detail. This means characters, description, and plot. I'll ...

I haven't done a line-by-line like this in over a year, but I figure it'll be easier to pinpoint areas I'd like to talk about, and I already had a ...

Hi, and welcome to YWS! You haven't posted in Welcome yet; even if you've already read the rules, it's a good place to refresh your memory - specifically on the ...

Hey, this is Jet, here to review. I understand your decision to post this as one part, since as two you won't always get both halves reviewed, but posting something ...

Hey there, and welcome to YWS! Nice to see you've been reviewing and all. I'm Jet, by the way. It was said he killed someone. He never went to jail ...

A review for a review, shall we say? Call me Jet, by the way. Okay, first off, a bit of advice: don't crowd your writing with too many comments from ...

Hello, Stream, and welcome to YWS. Make your way over to the Welcome forum to hear the rules in full, but one of the most important ones is the 3:1 ...

Hey, Jet here. Just a quick review, because this is generally beautifully written. I want to pick up on a few things I noticed just reading through, as it's short. ...

Hey. Evi gave you a great review, but I figure I'll add my penny's worth anyway. Few nitpicks, and then a general summary. nothing more. The pain grows once more. ...

Welcome to YWS! Okay, I know virtually nothing about the period you're writing about here - even your little introduction makes utterly no sense to me - and what I ...

I think you have a nice idea here, but you're too literal with it. You've used some pretty language, but basically you're just telling us your thoughts. This could be ...

Heya, I'm Jet. I was going to welcome you to YWS, but then I realised you've been here for ages. Oops. So instead, I'll get on with the crit. Okay, ...

Jet here. This is pretty short, so I'll just do a general critique rather than nitpicking this to death. :arrow: Firstly, and most importantly, sort out your dialogue punctuation! I'll ...

Hey again! Here as requested. Now, I'm not going to crit Chapter 1. I seriously think you should leave that alone for a bit; too much editing too early and ...