Published October 14, 2009
It has been said that a true and proper love is like a home, a strong house for two people to inhabit. Love is a house made of set foundations and a warm sense of security. It is quickly erected, perfect and adhering to the specific expectations of the couple. After it is established, they may live happily ever after within its sheltering walls. Thus, the house stands for all to see, the impressive possession of the two lovers and it is in their power to use the house as they wish.
But is this truly love? Is love easily controlled, stiff and lifeless? Is love safe? Is it something to acquire then forget as is a house? No, love is a changing, misshapen miracle that grows around and despite of obstacles. It reaches out to people, earnest but undemanding and waits with youth vigor until the lovers recognize it. Love is fresh an beautiful as it is ancient and a dangerous. It holds secrets that mankind cannot truly grasp unless they give themselves over to it fully, willingly. Love represents a godly spirit in life. Love is a blessing. Love is a tree.
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140,680 Literary Works • 673,590 Reviews
I liked your work, but I have to agree with Jetpack on it being too denotative.
In the first paragraph you develop your thoughts nicely, but maybe you should give the readers something to relate to, something more personal, so they can feel the meaning behind your words and generate their own thoughts, rather than just accepting your reasoning and going along with it.
As for the second paragraph, I think you should have built it on the motive of the tree and focused on it more, instead of throwing it at us at the end, where it now feels rather abrupt and out of place.
I hope you aren't offended by anything I said. I think this was a lovely piece of writing, and if you have an idea like this ever again, don't be afraid to write it down.
Hello, I'm Kate.
I loved this. Very nice.
I think you have a nice idea here, but you're too literal with it. You've used some pretty language, but basically you're just telling us your thoughts. This could be written as something much more metaphorical, and even developed into a story. A calculating tone describing the house is a nice touch, but that can be expanded on.
The second paragraph is a bit of a letdown, too. You just seem to offload the ideas, and move on. The "tree" comment is bizarre, because you haven't qualified it. You take us through the thought process step by step rather than letting the reader figure out what you're trying to say, which is much more interesting.
Stay away from rhetorical questions. I do it, a lot, in my writing, and I've been told not to before. Sometimes, sure, but they can annoy the reader.
You've inspired me to write something, but I think you could have done more with this yourself. It's interesting, but too literal for my tastes.
Love it. I'm a guy so I shouldn't love it but I did. Refreshing and poetic. Great writing.