Breakaway

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

My eyes scanned the continous rows and rows of hourses smushed together. The clouds were a soft gray color, no sight of the sun peeping through them. I sighed, and leaned my head against the car seat.

“So. This is it. Our new neighborhood?” My older brother, Matthew asked.

“Yes.” My mom replied, her eyes fixed on the road in front of her.

Well this is a bit of somber start almost. Even though it seems like a fairly normal sort of family activity that's happening here, instead of it sounding like the family is supporting each other in this moment there's an odd tension that seems to revolve quite strongly around this one and it makes for a rather interesting effect to start on here.

“I miss my old house. My old friends.” My sister, Amy said. The move had hit her the hardest, having to leave her friends behind, but mostly her boyfriend, Josh Richards.

“I heard he was gonna dump you anyways.” Matt said with a smirk.

“Shut the hell up Matt!” My sister screamed leaning forward onto her seat, trying to hit him.

“Stop! Both of you stop right now!” My mom shouted over the noise of the radio, and my brother and sister bickering.

Well that seems like its a bit more hurtful than the normal sibling banter. Once again it sounds like something that should be rather simple and quite innocent but yet it manages to actually feel a lot more powerful than that for some reason. There's an undercurrent of just frustration and anger running through things and its a rather powerful effect.

I closed my eyes trying to block all three of them fighting. This is how everyday of my life was spent. Having to listen to my family fight all the time. I always thought families were supposed to love each other, never break apart, always help each other through the thick and the thin. I was wrong. Very wrong. My father had left my mother, with two little toddlers, and me growing in her stomach. Life had always been hard for us, having to pay the bills, and everything else that came along with raising a family. Not to mention the fact that my brother and sister always fought. There was no love between them…ever. Me? I was the kid that always stood in the corner, quite. Never talking, or saying what was on my mind.

I realized that everything was quiet. I glanced up to see everyone with glare’s on their faces, their mouths glued closed. I folded my hands together.

“Please help me. Please God, please.” I whispered to myself.

That seems to sum up the opening rather well here. I like that this moment and this cry for help is towards the end because instead of this just been told to us we have a solid example of exactly what the protagonist is talking about and as a result we end up feeling for her a lot stronger and this comes off as a really solid little ending here with those emotions hitting home perfectly.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

Jet here. This is pretty short, so I'll just do a general critique rather than nitpicking this to death.

Firstly, and most importantly, sort out your dialogue punctuation! I'll give you an example of what you're doing wrong here.

“I miss my old house. My old friends.” My sister, Amy said.

Right. Now, that full stop after "friends" should be a comma, because "my sister said" is not a new sentence. The comma should be within the speech marks too. Secondly, "My sister" should not be capitalised, because, as I said before, it's not a new sentence. I'm sorry if you already know all of this and you just don't punctuate whilst you're writing, but it should be something you get into the habit of doing. Once you've made all the changes, it looks like this:

“I miss my old house. My old friends,” my sister, Amy said.

Hopefully you followed that and will be able to reproduce it, but I've got a link that might help you out - the fundamental rules of dialogue grammar, by Snoink. Memorise the rules in that article, and you'll be absolutely fine.

Typos. Try to eliminate them before you post rather than leaving them for us to pick out. I understand that it's easy to let them slip through the net, though, so I'm not too worried about that.

I think you're thinking too much about how you want this to turn out. The dialogue is very stilted: not in terms of what you've actually written, but how you've structured it. Amy mentions missing her old friends, the narrator inserts a snippet about her boyfriend, and immediately Matt starts insulting her about her boyfriend. But how did he get that from "old friends"? He should at least mention Josh's name, so as to show he was reacting to Amy's speech rather than to the narration, which, of course, he can't hear.
Amy's reaction, too, is a little overdone. She starts screaming because he's made a little jibe? It does seem like you're forcing a fight upon them, purely so your narrator can start to moan about their life and their family. Most families bicker, but I think you should make this more realistic. Expand on that dialogue. Show Amy's tension when discussing her boyfriend, and how irritating Matt is. Sarcastic comments? A stupid laugh? Just expand it a bit. Readers enjoy it when the characters exchange insults - at least if they're well-written insults.
Last but not least by any means on this point, the info-dump at the end. Build that information in, and maybe not into the first chapter. We don't want to hear all about your character's woes in the prologue; it's not just bad for the writing, because it ruins the hook, but it also annoys the reader. We don't know your character well enough to care.

Okay, that's about it. I think you should expand on this, but only after you sort out your punctuation. Punctuation is very important to the story, not least if you're posting it on here; more reviewers are encouraged if your punctuation's near enough spot on, and having no typos shows that you've spent a lot of time on your work. Hope this review was a help to you.

Hey, there! CreativeFreak, here to help you out!!

Not that bad, I don't really like prologues, but this was okay.
A couple nitpicks:

My eyes scanned the continous rows and rows of hourses smushed together.

"Continuous", small nitpick. "Hours?" or horses? I don't know, because well I don't actually watch time, unless on a wrist watch? But if so, be more specific about that and good beginning line.

I was the kid that always stood in the corner, quite.

"Quiet", you spelled it wrong, but it's okay.

“Please help me. Please God, please.” I whispered to myself.

What does she need help with? School? A job? Or just her family? Or maybe even herself? Specify please!

But other than those small problems, you did a good job, keep up the writing!