Jerikas

Sorry, missed that bit.

You need to divide up you paragraphs, it's really hard to read (probably partly because its late) Put a double space between each paragraph to make it easier. I'll crit ...

This seems good although a bit broken up but don't you think it should go into romantic fiction? unless the story will change to a different point.

Very funny and easy to read. Makes a difference to the books i've been reading recently. Any problems I noticed have either been said already or I've forgotten them. Looking ...

Thanks, I see what you mean, fallingstar, about Wolf being pushed out a bit and I'm going to try and add him in a bit more. I also see Adam's ...

This is good but it shows no emotion, it might be better if you added a bit that showed how the girl felt. Also at the start i couldn't tell ...

I still don't think you showed me this but I remember the idea. Its good but a bit short and I don't get this line 'To the Hadza of East ...

You said 'pudding in her head' on the last line of the third paragraph, sorry for not putting that before.

Thanks. This was a sort of spur of the moment type thing. I agree with the fact that it's a bit disjointed which I will work on probably tommorrow I ...

Thanks for the crit I'll tell the friend who wrote it. She actually wrote on the bus to school which I reckon is quite an achievement.

you write in text talk and don't check your work, this annoys me but the story is cool

This is good but it's a wall of words making it really hard to read, put tabs in at the beginning of paragraphs and double space before writing what a ...

It's good but if you add more it will be even better. Are you going to continue with this story or is this just it? It's definitly origional and has ...

You have made loads of typos which make it hard to read but I look forward to reading more - looks promising.

I liked the peom but I'm not sure what it's about :?. I'll probably understand it better if you explain it to me. I'm not very good with poetry.