Jennafina

Hello! The year.... 2010 , The date .... Friday the thirteenth of October earlier I think if you want to do this you should do it like this: The year: ...

Hello! Welcome to YWS! There are a number of small punctuation errors, that could be corrected fairly easily. Here are the ones I noticed in chapter one and chapter two. ...

Please add more paragraphs! It's so hard to see... *sob* Anyway, this looks interesting, and I thought you had a good idea about how to make it original. When the ...

Title: The Sight That Caroline Sees (No apostrophy in sees, everything should be capitalized.) “Where sorry kido there was nothing you could do well be investigating it I’m afraid we ...

You seem to have left out quite a few words and letters. I think you should try reading this aloud to yourself, it might help you find them. Also, anywhere ...

I like it! I noticed you have a bit of inconsistancy with the capitalization. Sometimes you capitalize only the first letter in the sentence, and sometimes you capitalize the first ...

Wow. I think the creepiest thing about this is how friendly it all seems. Like you're discribing Hello Kitty or something else cute. I think you might have mentioned something ...

I liked how the narator was running away from ritches, not poverty. That was a really unusual twist, and it sepperated your story from others with similar themes. I had ...

I like vampire stories. The first thing I wondered when you said that Lindsay is the narator's mother is: how old is he/she? Because if it's a teen, try to ...

Hello! I couldn’t wait to get my hands on hi-tech, next generation gaming console that could only be described as like having sex with lightning. Wow, this character has some ...

Hello! First off, I really liked this. I'm sure you're sick of hearing that by now though. You have such a talent for those poetic discription sentences. In the beginning ...

Wow, that's certantly interesting. :) For at a fellow employee's desk I do eat thee, while she, I test I don't understand... If you were going to do a v2, ...

I really liked this. The entire thing seemed vague and hazy, or like there's a strobe light on and the reader can only see a tiny glimpse of what's happening ...

Wow, this was pretty depressing. I like the ending a lot. It hints at things, so it's not a real cliffhanger, but it's still a little one. So you get ...

This was certantly interesting ;). Lol, it was funny. However, you have a lot of little errors that need to be fixed. Punctuation! VERY important. :) ~A Lame Demonstration of ...