Published October 24, 2006
I thought id try my hand At writing
It kinda relates to the gunpowder plot 
~Parliament~
~Prelude~
The year.... 2010 , The date .... Friday the thirteenth of October earlier The votings for the new government we're in And well..... Chaos . The conservatives gained fourteen chairs and Won the elections , But that was not all. A flicker of light seen from space , Exploded the parliament buildings
Leaving behind history and rubble. At that moment All Tv channels switch to one face , The head of the conservatives yassen meinchousen , And who was he sitting next to? None other than Bin larden
Who spoke the cold words “fire”. And after that... Hell broke onto the streets of London. Four hundread al quiedan soldiers Shot millions of bullets through the Streets. Now that's what happened now let me introduce myself, I am Jonathan Raven a fighter against these who murder Innocents
There are a little less than a hundread of us scattered across the country , We aim to eliminate Yassen And larden , So without further ado The story of parliament .
~Chapter 1~
“ How are we going to get past the guards” Asked Joe curiously.
“Watch and learn Joe” Replied Jonathan
They we're at the entrance to a prison where a few of the Revolters are being held , They're mission was to get inside get the prisoners and Get out .
Jonathan pulled a grenade out of his pocket and threw it at a nearby car , The car exploded into a wasteland Of fire and metal . It worked , the guards watched over the balcony at the car. Jonathan walked up the steps and dispatched with the guards with his assault rifle.
Joe and Jonathan sneaked through into The prison , Jonathan whipped out a pistol and took out a few guards . Joe strapped a pack of C4 onto the wall and waited. The c4 adjusted to the wall and Joe entered in the time ten minutes .
Jonathan and Joe bolted through the building taking out anything that stood in they're way.
Jonathan threw an m1 frag grenade into the holding cells area and took out the guards .
They scanned the area looking for The fighters but nothing. Except for the scream...
“JOE!!!” Shouted Jonathan , as Joe flopped to the floor.
Joe had not seen the sniper In the tower . Jonathan dodged the bullets pounding the floor around him
He shot a few rounds up into the tower and was pleased when a few droplets of blood Dripped onto the floor .
Jonathan Got to Joe who was bleeding quite bad And needed stitches . Jonathan said “ You'll be ok Joe i promise “. But that was not the case , A bullet pounded through Joe's head . Jonathan looked up to see a prison guard smiling.
Jonathan ran at the guard tackling him to the floor. He began to pound him with his fists when he saw the fighters. Sharing a cell.
He blew the door down with A grenade And gestured for the fighters to follow him.
They ran out of the door gasping for breath They had Got out safely except for poor dead Joe gillman.
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141,435 Literary Works • 674,415 Reviews
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Read, love, and memorize. If possible, by the book, which is well worth your money. You have to do better grammar than this, and the excuse that you're "bad at it" doesn't work. There are so many published wroks, both on the internet and in paper form, that one only needs to look at the grammar and decide to chose something else.
Read the tips and the writing forums and clean this up.
Hello!
I think if you want to do this you should do it like this:
The year: 2010. The date: Friday the thirteenth of October.
Colons look better than elypses. Elipses? Sorry.
Yeah. About the capitals. Really, really distracting. I have no idea what you're doing, or why they have to stay, but if that's what you want, um, okay.
Is this suposed to be Al Quida? I think that's how it's spelled. Anyway, I'm sure both names are capitalized.
Try reading this aloud to yourself. Whenever you pause mid sentence, add a comma. Whenever you change thoughts, add a period.
Please tell me what you're going for with the capitals, and I'll come back and finish editing.
For example:
Do you know that the R doesn't need to be capitalized? There should be a period at the end, and a comma after learn and Joe.
I don't know what's happening here. Please clarify.
I'll come back and finish once I know what you want to keep.
Keep writing!
Are the capitals some hidden word text thing? I've seen that before. Italics works so much better. If you're really bent on doing the hidden text thing, use italics.
The minutes go My capital babys stay *hiss*
Lol thanks for the help Im the worst person youll ever meet for grammer
Revise and edit! Add some periods! Correct the spacing! Forget the minutes= thing, elaborate on the scenes, proofread...etc.
It looks like you're capitalizing random letters...stop that...
The storyline seems cool but you really need to get the basics down. Pretty simple stuff really, PM me if you need help though.