Jennafina

I love your title, even before I read the poem. The last stanza doesn't seem to fit, because up until then your stanzas had a different format. Your last stanza ...

I'm with Clau that this would make a great poem. Also, it makes a great blurb if you'd be interested in making a longer story. It seems like something that ...

I think I'd like this better if you did the same cool format thing without dividing up words on seperate lines. It's really distracting, and messes up the flow because ...

I think this would make a wonderful short story! As a poem, though, I think it's a bit too long, and didn't really hold my attention. I'd like it more ...

Hi Jiggy! Follow the trail of the moon’s blood. The message had said, instigating a hasty departure from the revelry. I think it should be a comma instead of a ...

Hello! I really don't know how to critique a poem, but I'll do my best. Feel free to ignore anything I say. :D Light grown dim; I'd like this better ...

I wish I wasn’t here. I wish I weren't here. The memory flows into thoughts of that long hallway in our old house, filled with her poisonous smoke emitting from ...

This was a little too short and vague for me. Maybe you could lengthen it out and add some more solid images? Or, I think if you shortened it a ...

I like this a lot! The fantasy element at the end came on too suddenly. I think it might be better if you introduce the possibility of magic earlier, rather ...

The problem with this style is that it sounds like your character is drunk from the start. The sentences are long and lack punctuation. It might be cool if you ...

If the narrator T-boned his friend's truck, wouldn't the police have an easy lead? They'd just have to look for a vehicle with its front smashed in. Perhaps the narrator ...

That was interesting, but I would have liked it better if you described the moment in which Joey changes his mind from wanting to kill Mr. Finch to trying to ...

Please format your work. It's so hard to read when it's all bunched up. I lost my place about twenty times. Add a lot more paragraphs and I gaurentee that ...

Non-fiction forum is for things like essays or biographies. I think this should go in Debate Forum (you'd have to join the usergroup first), or The Lounge. Unless it's for ...

I can tell this is trying to tell a story, but what's the story? What's going on? Who is the narrator? I like I am in the air I am ...