JC

Okay, I get it. The bold at the top is the narrator. Adam is right, you should use the *** instead of such short chaters. Imagine your story in print. ...

I can see where you would find this flimsy...and it's not so much that, as it is inconstant. You kept switching tenses. One sentence you were saying was, the next ...

She was staring at space with wide eyes, and didn't seem to notice the rain outside. The comma in there kinda stops the sentence...it's a weird brake you could do ...

This is just as good as the first part. Actually, better. Your character's have more to them than in the first section, I feel like they're real, not just names ...

“Cor, you have natural curls, look at them!” He exclaimed to my mother, wrapping one of my curls around his little finger One- Who is Cor? Two- This didn't make ...

“It’s alright, they are quite cute!” Would a guy say this? even a gay one? They're normally not that flamming. More normal. Trust me, I have fourteen gay uncles, I ...

=D Addo's nice again! hehe. YAY! You posted! I've missed this, I actually had to go back and read the previous chapters to remember, but seeing as it's all good, ...

YAY! You know how much I've waited for this, and it was just as good as I was thinking it would be! hehe. Seriously, you should read Someone like you, ...

“I liked you’re other room better…it was more you.” You're=Your “Well, you move house you get a new room, I have yet to make it mine.” Doesn't make sense. I ...

record of 6 seconds You should spell out six. It's more professional =D Sorry, I really got to this too late to really say anything new. It captured my attention, ...

I started reading this, then realized that I have a parade I have to be at in like, five minutes. So I'll get back to this later. Just a few ...

“Micaela, do not burden our mother with the same questions any more”, The last comma comes before the last quotation mark. EX: "See, it goes like this," I said. “Why ...

This was really good. I couldn't find any mistakes (that popped out at me) and it caught, and kept my attention thorughout all the details. Seeing as I have nothing ...

Firya stood abruptly and [s]paced[/s] to the framed mirror hanging on one wall of her bedroom. I actually think using the traditional "walked" as opposed to "paced" would work better ...

Whoever invented time was an idiot. Too true. Too true. hehe Despite the shortness (and the fact that I read it after 25 *blushes*) I STILL LOVE IT!!!! Wouldn't it ...