Incandescence

Fantasyartist-- This reads like a first-time poetry exercise with its uneven rhythm and lack of basic care in presentation (spacing, punctuation, grammar) for an audience. As a poem, it's a ...

kazie-- You are far over your head posting here if this is an example of your work. I'd suggest that you consider future posting at some other site like http://www.writing.com. ...

kazie-- This never makes its way out of your own head to a form where it's accessible to the reader. It's a diary entry that you are using to recall ...

ColeFX-- There are four distinct and disjoint hypothetical/abstract scenes going on here. Why do you think a reader should care about any of them? This is a tour of your ...

Colleen, This isn't working for me at all. The attempt to draw parallels between the loss of feline innocence and human loneliness falls flat and leaves the reader with nothing. ...

Thanks all! For me, the last stanza also brings back the image of the dying tree that returns, plus what Colleen has pointed out. The "violence" in the first stanza ...

jacqueliemi, The whole thing feels like a big gimmick. The one-word lines aren't doing anything but annoying your readers and taking away from the poem. I can see what you're ...

Maki-Chan, You have collected a bunch of words that mean basically nothing and called it a poem. It's like you walked into Hallmark, picked up a few cards, and jotted ...

spiritblackwolf2705, This suffers the same problem as your last piece: irrelevance to anything, even within the poem itself. Some lines present an image that just disappears altogether, never to retur

Amelia: This is nonsense. It's like a story you have randomly deleted sentences from and added carriage-returns to. The prospect of using this form (kind of a surrealist stream-of-conscious approach) ...

Meg, Consider: Cutting L6-L9 and L12-16. What I would like to see, personally, is if you would actually drop all but the images of giving birth to a child and ...

Monument Soul, You might start by asking yourself, "What makes this interesting in a way that might also be interesting to my readers/listeners?" The description here, the personification of fear, ...

bigbadbear-- If I repeat that this ia a bad poem (bad poem) would it change anytthing? (anything, anything...) No, seriously. The problem really is the entire approach, not just the ...

spiritblackwolf2705-- No. This is tired navel-gazing rendered in off-kilter prose. Just for example: how does L1 impose any relationship on L2, or L3 (ad nauseum)? The rhyme of "love" with ...

Mr. Belcourt, Consider: This evening, a bomb exploded in the living room; it left behind a brother named Atom two thousand miles away. As these twins ignited, they succeeded in ...