Incandescence

Chevy-- This is the best I've seen from you. It indeed is removed from the self, which is the best way to get better. This is 10% luck, 20% skill, ...

aeroman-- I will leave the lbl comments to the above readers and surely the ones to follow. As I read this, though, I had some first impression edits that you're ...

Siegfried, I think there's promise here, but it doesn't start to show itself until S2. Starting S1 with: Like Romeo and Juliet, Theirs is a window of love, is akin ...

Cameron-- You have produced much better than this--textual gimmicks are below your means. I am not a fan of the explicit references to the Holocaust--I did not care for your ...

Hi Lexismom, Please try to review two or three of the current pieces on the site before posting one of your own--this is, I think, one of those general guidelines ...

Hi guys, Thanks for taking the time to read & respond. I think you two are having problems seeing the forest for the trees--the most abstract (and indeed only true ...

Lexismom-- Welcome to the Young Writers Society! I hope your experiences here will help you become a better writer. For this reader, your style is the main contention: a rhyme ...

Hi VampX13, I am glad this helped you, but I am confused as to what you thought it would do for us. As this is, it reads like an entry ...

Fand-- It is always a pleasure to see serious thought put into poetry. This poem does not reflect such thought until the half-point. Drop the parenthetical remarks, the one- and ...

a_wolf123-- Your handling of line lengths is a disaster. Long lines generally don't make a piece "more poetic"; if anything, they fragment it. Each line should provide value on its ...

SlickJimmy-- This is junk. The fact that it attempts to be self-reflective but suffers enjambment issues is enough to identify this as beginner's work. The "alas, poor me--why do I ...

Hi Dream Deep, My impression is that this is dreamscape new-age junk. Imagery is lacking; this reads as a bad transliteration. The requests in S1 suddenly gives way to another ...

Princess Prettie, What is this, anyway? The first half is a narrative about some girl, and the only thing it seems to do is to set up the word "bitches" ...

Hi Jack, It's good to see you've made much progress. Ignore SlickJimmy--your meter is fine. That said, I am no fan of lists in poetry, especially not lists that are ...

Tassen Spellbinder, I looked for the potential that others have recognized in this, but was unable to find it. This is run-of-the-mill junk. While there is an idea here that ...