Published October 13, 2006
These were just some ideas that I want to unleash: things buzzing around in my head. It's not my best work, far from it, but I enjoyed writing it.
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Leaking Contradiction
There are so many words entangled in you,
so many vines that separate us.
My heart is mangled.
I can't possibly utter words.
I can't possibly hold on.
I'm lost.
Watch the tide take me with it:
In and out,
In and out.
I weave.
I am like the wind:
I'm transparent,
I'm only heard when I want to be.
I'm not really anything.
I can't control myself.
Bought:
I've been bought;
I may as well have sold out.
Why must I be the fool?
The idiot?
The jester?
The joker?
The rare card that means nothing?
Why must life be this on going thing that is not on going?
Why must it be so different?
Why must it feel so similar?
There are no walls,
no boundaries.
I'm open.
I'm broken.
I'm not depressed.
I'm not oppressed.
I'm me.
I'm moody.
This is not philosophy.
This is not belief.
This is nothing.
This has no importance.
Words are nothing.
Words are only little letters strung together.
They mean nothing to me.
Nonsensical words,
cruel words.
They stab me in my mind.
This is raving: I am mad.
I am sane.
I'm confused.
No, not confused, caught up.
I'm caught up in thought.
There is nothing here for me.
A kiss is nothing right now.
This is something to me, these words.
Why do I care for these words?
Why do I sit and type them?
This is no mystery.
I know that I know why:
j'oublie.
this is emptiness
this is blindness
Not knowing what you mean to say,
yet saying what you mean.
this is rambling
I feel like this all makes sense in some way.
If you read it some way?
A puzzle.
Why do I listen to myself?
Why do I think of things so thoroughly?
I never listen to myself.
"She gave herself very good advice but she very seldom listened."
and so why?
Why is this so deep to me?
Why must people read this?
Words.
All it is
is words.
Nothing words that must mean something.
I must decode myself.
There must be meaning:
logic.
I don't know what to write now.
Inspiration faded.
I am jaded?
everything is very much departed.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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I'm afraid I'm going to have to side with Brad this time, Vamp. I know that writing things like this can be cathartic -- I know I've done similar things, and I'm sure most if not all of the writers on this site have done so, as well -- but catharsis is a personal thing. If it helps you, that's good. Great, in fact. YAY! But, it does nothing for readers who aren't in your head, looking in on the thought processes going on as you wrote this.
Besides this, it's so long and unorganized, so "rambling" as you yourself call it, that it's almost enough to make the reader want to quit halfway through.
I'll agree with Brad on this much, as well: I do wish you better luck next time. Remember that these forums are here to help you improve as a writer; unless you're looking for specific advice (I'm having trouble with the line breaks, there's something wrong with the imagery, I know there's something amiss with this but can't quite figure it out), try not to post things that you yourself recognize as being not up to par.
Thanks for the feedback.
Yes, I didn't really want it go anywhere in particular. It was just a way of me showing how hypocritical I can be and humanity in general. Other than that it isn't supposed to make much sense.
I like this. I write this sort of thing sometimes and it really helps me just to let my thoughts out, even if they don't make sense to anyone else - i'm not saying that about your work though, i understood it perfectly!
Keep going.
It always helps me to come up with something!
Hi VampX13,
I am glad this helped you, but I am confused as to what you thought it would do for us.
As this is, it reads like an entry in the Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest - a run-on overwritten garble that loses track of where it's going.
Even with the edits that will be suggested, the poem does nothing and goes nowhere. Okay, you have a narrator who likes to hear him/herself speak. So what? How is this supposed to affect the reader? How does it broaden my thoughts or appreciation of these emotions, the narrator or both?
The fundamental impulse behind the poem is nowhere in evidence.
Better luck next time,
Brad