Incandescence

Elizabeth, Here's the effect: You have failed to communicate an idea. Here are the causes: (1) this is too wordy and repetitious for meaning to be clasped and taken home; ...

mer, This is overmodified. It falls as an underconceived, clumsy narrative. This has all the earmarks of something that was dashed off in fifteen minutes--why do you think we would ...

Cal, Overall, this is very good. The subtle shift from the absence of person to the absence of self is very clever. Other than minor things which you can find ...

cathy-- What was the purpose in breaking the rhyme in S2? For that matter, you would probably be better off breaking the rhyme scheme entirely, scrapping this, and trying again. ...

a_wolf123, The potential that might have been here has probably vanished. Before I read the end, I thought this was about God, so you might want to consider creating better ...

Hi Swottielottie, I think you need to try reading some modern poetry. You are a beating a dead horse with this topic, and, thankfully for you, entrance into Heaven does ...

cymbeline_x, I thought this was a waste of potentially useful electrons - an evaluation which you may find cruel. This reader neither cares about your lack of hope nor about ...

Welcome Pivot_Master, The biggest problem I had with this is a narrative that seems disjointed in a manner that isn't constructive to the poem overall. Did you ever think? Did ...

Vampx13-- The piece seems intent on plowing the same patch of ground until the reader "gets it." This didactic approach runs counter to the theme of the work, since everyone ...

Sara, Jack is correct insofar as the language rolls off the tongue. Unfortunately, the meaning and purpose of your poem roll off with it. I see a barely visible trace ...

Hi Shadow, This reads like a mental exercise to break writer's block, as constrasted with a well-constructed and engaging poem. You've been attentive to the discord, but the narrative, phrasing ...

Cameron, This is pedantic dross at its worst: we are all sinners, sure. That is nothing more than we already knew. What ground were you hoping to break, what path ...

Chandni, Some images here worth keeping, a line there worth saving, but overall, this has no impact on me. I would prescribe a metaphorical laminectomy and a new structure of ...

Welcome yoha_ahoy, I'm glad you've returned to us. This is mediocre to poor. It takes us nowhere interesting, leaves us with nothing worth salivating for. Unless the intent was to ...

Hi green_river, It's always reassuring to see somebody can elaborate on a definition. They are not, however, poets, and this is not, in fact, a poem. Shrubs are not awakened, ...