Bliss

Brad,

I'm sorry about not taking this up in pm, I didn't realize what that button was for at the time.

I disagree, telling someone that their piece isn't worth saving, isn't respect. It's not only disrespectful, it's unhelpful (which i mention before- see above)

And furthere more even if this poem was 'garbage' in your opinion. It's your job as a reviewer to do something to help fix it.

I'm not saying you need to exaggerate the quality of the poem, I'm just asking that you give some CONSTRUCTIVE critisim.

Thanks.

Tropicana,


Issues with reviewers should usually be taken up through PMs, but I will respond here this once.

I think I gave the piece the respect it deserved.

At a minimum, we ought to be able to identify garbage as such when it's placed before us, and we should be forthright in saying as much when we encounter it.

There are several thousand poetry sites that place the author's feelings first. Isn't there room for one that keeps its focus on the work?


Best,
Brad

Hi!

I really did like this poem and with theluckyflower's suggestions I'd like it even more.

Good luck!

Brad-

I noticed your comments on other peoples poems and I'm so sick of seeing this kind of comment from you. I hate to break it to you but just because you didn't like something doesn't mean you need to scrap it. If you'd like to be help in your reviews give some CONSTRUCTIVE critisism. Most of the things I've seen in your reviews are not only unhelpful but occasionally discouraging and sometimes disrespectful. I'd appreciate it if you'd stop telling people that there's nothing to save in their work. Thanks.

cathy--


What was the purpose in breaking the rhyme in S2? For that matter, you would probably be better off breaking the rhyme scheme entirely, scrapping this, and trying again.

Not only have you left me with nothing to return to, nothing to think about or consider, you have failed in a much more fatal way: you have not held my interest during the first read-through. Work on imagery, simile, metaphor--they are your building blocks.


Best,
Brad

Cathy,
It's very sweet. But the last line was very long.
Pandora

I like a bit of relationship romance.
Its really sweet.
Would have liked to see more of it though
*hugs for your great effort*
Lexy x

nice , flowing poem and truly romantic!

maybe you could shorten any syllable from the last line for better flow?

I really like this. It shows a short and sweet, yet relatable imagery. Good work!

Now here is my advice and pointers for your poem. I’m a stickler for a certain style of grammar (my own - the one I was practically raised on). Of course other people won’t have the same style I do, so you don’t have to do what I say, of course. So without further ado, here you go:

He lay on the grass, looking at me,
His powerful face is all I could see.

And kissed my lips, stroking my hair.

The bliss he brought warmed my heart,
It felt like silk in the soft green grass.

I know he is here, but I’m looking for him,
He left me and went, like a balloon to a pin.

He ran back here, searching for me,

He pulled me close and hugged me tight,
I shall never be lonely again through the night.