Lotus

by Revere

Published October 22, 2006

Lotus -


Overwhelming stillness
sleeps quietly underneath
layer upon layer of darkness.

A rustle of awareness
slowly awakens it,
providing support enough
to ground itself in something
so seemingly non-exsistent,
something completely intangible
residing within layers of darkness.

A shining fountain comes forth;
colours vibrant, shadows intense,
a glowing beacon of hope
to those still resting.

Comments & reviews · 7
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Chandni
Review
Chandni wrote a review Review · Oct 25, 2006

Well Well hmmmm had to read it twice :) But I figured I got it quite a bit, I like it the rythem not everywhere is as nice as it started but I'm sure you can work on that ;)

Cheerios, Chandni

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Revere
Comment
Revere commented Comment · Oct 25, 2006

Incandescence wrote:Hi green_river,


It's always reassuring to see somebody can elaborate on a definition. They are not, however, poets, and this is not, in fact, a poem.

Shrubs are not awakened, nor do they have a conscious. It might be worth your time to invest in a good biology text.


Take care,
Brad


Say what you will about me or my writing. I don't care. I however do not suggest you say anything as rude as this to anyone else because words with that much discouragement could seriously make a new writer stop writing. I won't.

By the way, I never once said I was writing a science textbook. It's a poem. It doesn't have to be realistic.

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Incandescence
Review
Incandescence wrote a review Review · Oct 24, 2006

Hi green_river,


It's always reassuring to see somebody can elaborate on a definition. They are not, however, poets, and this is not, in fact, a poem.

Shrubs are not awakened, nor do they have a conscious. It might be worth your time to invest in a good biology text.


Take care,
Brad

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Revere
Comment
Revere commented Comment · Oct 23, 2006

ANI wrote:Ok first of all why LOTUS?


Because it's about a lotus :)

lol but more in depth, it is about a lotus seed resting in the earth 'underneath layer upon layer of darkness'. The second stanza is about the seed planting its roots and the third is about after its already grown. I chose lotus as the specific flower because its my favourite :) .

People seem to be confused about the second stanza. Its supposed to be mostly metaphorical. Prior to this the seed was 'asleep'. The verse 'a rustle of awareness slowly awakens it' is about the seed deciding to grow out of the darkness it is currently in and plant its roots, metaphorically, in the belief that it won't be dark once it grows out. The belief of a brighter place above its darkness is the thing 'so seemingly non exsistent', but the lotus' hope 'gives it strength enough to ground itself'[and grow]. And once it does grow out it is as positive as previously hoped.

But I'm glad you all liked it even though you were confused!

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niteowl
Review
niteowl wrote a review Review · Oct 23, 2006

so seemingly non-exsistent,
something completely intangible


Those two lines are redundant and are probably what's getting everyone lost. Other than the fact you spelled "existant" wrong (truth be told I'm not positive how you spell it either) that line just trips all over itself. Just go from the line before that (which ends in "something" so you won't have to repeat it) to "completely intangible".

Other than that, it was pretty good. Keep it up!

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Shine
Comment
Shine commented Comment · Oct 23, 2006

Ok first of all why LOTUS?

starting was really good,but the middle para sounded a bit vague.
This poem needs to be revised a bit.

Keep writing.
I shall be waiting to read ur next poem.

-Ani.

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Jiggity
Comment
Jiggity commented Comment · Oct 23, 2006

Um. Yeah. Loved the first stanza. Got lost in the second. I liked it but, twas weird.



If you can't get out of your comfort zone, you'll never find what you're looking for. Don't make things quick and easy to feel better short term. Make a change and then you'll feel better longer term.
— Frinderman