Published October 15, 2006
Kill For You
There's nothing I wouldn't do,
Anything --
I'd kill for you.
I see you walking down the hall.
Can you see me?
You walk right past me:
A cold sweep of air,
Faint smell of cologne.
I've been watching you for I don't know how long.
Peering out from the crowd.
And still I don't exist.
I may as well be a long deceased breeze:
Dead air.
I call out your name.
You don't hear:
My voice must be soft static.
How long have I gone unnoticed?
Too long.
I've waited an eternity.
Yet you still can't see.
My patience is coming to a close.
Too long I've held my breath,
Waiting for recognition.
You disappear,
As the ringing fades.
Again, in solitude,
I'm left hanging.
And nevertheless --
I'd kill for you.
Is that what I should do?
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140,588 Literary Works • 673,542 Reviews
And still I don't exsist.
I may as well be a long deceased breeze:
Dead air.
Should be exist.
I thought this was good and I don't really have any other comments to make, except for what I put above, and I hope nobody made the same correction.
Vampx13--
The piece seems intent on plowing the same patch of ground until the reader "gets it." This didactic approach runs counter to the theme of the work, since everyone knows what you're talking about. This, for me, crushes it.
Beside the use of needless attendant commentary, I am afraid the poem is incapable of making progress within itself. It returns in the same, boring way to the point that you're ignored. If this poem were trying to catch and hold my attention, it would be correct insofar as it would have dreadfully failed.
Best,
Brad
Ooo, enjoyed much! The short stanzas did seem abrupt at first, but once I got into the rhythm of them they really flowed. I know I've felt this way before; you express the emotions very well. All around very nice, great title too.
I love this poem
it was really sad but cool at the same time
Can u review my poem?
its on the same section as this but uder is this poem good or reaally weird
thanks
keep writing more as i love ur work
charlotte
Thanks.
I agreed with the above but the ending seemed a little abrupt.
Good stuff though x
Hmm... I really enjoyed this... I think that you do need to make the stanzas more than 2 or 4 lines by combining them... I really liked this...
I rememebr I felt like this a long time ago, and the ending ... I don't know it made me laugh... I mean... I don't know why but it was a good ending for the poem and sort of brought up a point.
Nice one