Incandescence

green_river, As a poem, it's a placeholder. The reader is confused by the title and led on a trail of description that provides little insight into the scene before finding ...

Elizabeth, Your barf bags are much appreciated. For the soppiness, you could probably get this published by some blundering teen magazine. If that's your aim, you're through here. However, if ...

London Aspen, Being nine years old, I give you my highest accolade. This is far more lucid than most of the work posted here by much older and more experienced ...

jlu_262, This is a list of vignettes, none of them particularly striking, and it's diminished by gimmicks like strings of rapid-syllable words. You could have stopped this at "and I ...

Sara, Re: "I know this needs a lot of help, whatever." For me, this was a garden variety rant dressed up with meaningless imagery--beauty is only skin-deep. Unfortunately, the last ...

Sara, I am pleased with this output. Any clause involving the word "heart" can be dropped immediately--it just makes your work sophomoric. The line Jack and Snoink took issue with ...

awsomewritter123-- It would be even better if you hadn't copied it from another website. I am sorry that perhaps previous reviews have driven you to this, but plagiarizing is simply ...

Hi Shraz, Welcome to the YWS Poetry forum. The title sets a pretty significant hurdle in terms of challenging you to write something more than an illustration of fragile, floundering ...

Turnstiles-- I think you've come to the wrong place with this. It's a collection of rambling generalities and forced rhymes, and it has virtually nothing to offer the sentient reader. ...

niteowl-- There is some good news and some bad news. The good news is: I was not forced to slit my wrists while reading this. The bad news is: I ...

Fand-- Below is a possible revision for you to consider. how to begin a poem the subject no longer exists. fatalistic penchants, pretty gin-soaked boy, taste of snow and apples ...

pandoraswritings-- This may be fine for an assignment. It is usually advisable, however, to refrain from being preachy in poetry you wish others to read and seriously respond to. In ...

Wiggy, It's refreshing to see an attempt to write something with purpose. S3 could be posted on any teen-angst website, and it would be indistinguishable from all the other swill ...

Tassen Spellbinder, Based sheerly on the fact that you have a lot of fat-trimming to be doing here--that is, cutting unnecessary words and, indeed, lines and stanzas--it was hard for ...

Vampx13-- Why would you post something which you didn't give a serious attempt? Well, whatever the case may be, this certainly won't make anyone stop to remark on the power ...