Incandescence

Jack, I like this overall, but certain things keep nagging at the back of my skull. For instance, L3S1 is particularly atrocious with its clunkiness. Dreams being ripped from reality ...

xanthan_gum-- Your ideas are working to provoke an emotion, but they're ultimately gutted and choked by the overmodification that flocks to your stanza's shores. Lines like "I let you fly ...

Shasta, This is a good exercise in metered verse and demonstrates a gentle control on syllabic count (though certain lines still irk). After that, however, it fails to deliver anything ...

GingerLizzy-- This is awful. Every stanza lops on another prose recitation of stereotypical descriptors and the subsequent narrative is almost embarrassing to see - cliche follows cliche until the end

Cameron-- I found the sustained riposte of sexuality and the diseased body delectable, if not perhaps the slightest bit puritanic. What I might suggest in revisions would consist of (i) ...

melodicatastrophe-- "Catastrophe" is indeed an apt title for this rubbish. Your verse grates at every rhyme with all the grace of a seven-foot three year old. From what else i ...

whence-- I am inclined to like this, since I like flights of fancy. That said, this didn't effectively pull it off, and I think the discordance in S2 is evident ...

Ofour-- I can appreciate what you're trying to accomplish with this, but you aren't accomplishing it. My suggestion for future considerations is to focus more heavily your attention on sonics ...

Hi. There is nothing in this short set of airy musings that will interest any experienced reader of poetry. For example, the first few lines of the poem are logically ...

Jon slipped past another moving body. Music bled from the floor-to-ceiling speakers and drenched everything in the club with a deafening pulse. He squinted in the dark light as he ...

Sabine-- Perhaps as an MC workshop activity, this is fine, but as a poem, it suffers all the trappings indicative of beginner's work--useless repetition of overwrought phrases (endemic of writers ...

Jack-- Some inlines for your consideration. stratospherically (speaking) , time is nothing; up here, closer to the edge, danger should be bloodshot ( red, but) (and ) the minutes (shouldn't) ...

Morgan - I really enjoy reading your recent work, not that the older stuff was bad, but it's good to see you pushing at the envelope. In this piece, the ...

Ed - Snoink has hit the problem on the head--this has no abstraction in it, no universalization that makes your readers care or empathize with the N. Or rather, in ...

lequack / KKP-doppleganger - This jumps from one idea to another without connective tendrils. In the first strophe and second strophe, the majority of the action seems to take place ...