HaydenMacaw

Clever twist! If you wanted you could probably drag it out a little more, just to build up the tension. I wanted to hear more about the "friend". Also, the ...

The message is very touching. The use of couplets work perfectly for this poem. The title nicely emphasizes the indiviual, which is important in this knd of poem. Your voice ...

Nice poem :) One critisism I frequently get from other people is that I get caught up in describing emotions, and don't have any context or tangible imagery. I think ...

The imagery is positivly splendid, as is your use of detail. My favorite part was The backs of your hands are bronze - the sun and I have kissed you ...

I like the jagged nature and lack of structure. It very acurately depicts the mindset of someone who is upset, so cootos there. Because your going with the whole stream ...

Amazing! I loved the quick pacing--the whole poem had a great feel! I think the ryhme sceme was great. I loved the passage: So i blend with the crowd Of ...

First point, rhyme is fun but remember rhythm is just a important. The first two lines of the second stanza were excellent . They were similar yet dissimilar enough to ...

For a peice this short you use to many images too quickly. You use illness, wounded, scared, and tied down, all of which are a litle cliche. It would work ...

I think the subject matter is very powerful. The second and third line don't mesh very well--you create two seperate images to closely in conjunction. Also, unusual line break/punctuation can ...

I'm a runner and I totally know what your talking about :) I particularly relate to the first three lines of the last stanza. Those lines were perfect, but you ...

The contrast is done really well in this poem. I particularly love the line Limping lambs and a city of wolves though you may consider changing "and" to "in". I ...

I love the alliteration in the first line! The second line is confusing though; consider your word choice. After that the rest is amazing. "over me, into me" is a ...

This poem definately has potential.I like the symmetry in the opening lines of each stanza. The fourth line needs some work. Also the word hunger doesnt seem to fit; I ...

I love the gorey, edgy feel. I particularly like how you don't limit the metaphore to the dialouge, but rather include it in the dialougue and the naration. The last ...

Stunning workmanship! I like your use of ambiguity and directional imagery. You flow is disrupted a little in the second stanza, though I love the mouse refrence. On a more ...