Jump

Adding in that extra stanza (in my opinion) would definitely help this poem. It just helps to give a bit more background on the "friend." Great job on this poem!

Thanks for all the reviews! Will have to have a longer edit session than I have time for at the moment with exams looming to sort out pacing, flow etc. but I do have the beginnings of a small response ready.

@HaydenMacaw, your suggestion of elongation got me thinking so here's a rough draft of an extra stanza I thought might fit in between the current second and third stanzas:

It took a long time, but he’d driven him to it;
He hears the “friend” now, yelling “Then just do it!”
The wind howls a welcome into deep oblivion
And he is ready to follow.

if anyone reads down to here, please don't hesitate to also give opinions on whether or not I should cram this deleted scene into the poem, on top of any other criticisms you have. Thanks

Clever twist! If you wanted you could probably drag it out a little more, just to build up the tension. I wanted to hear more about the "friend". Also, the word "boring" seems a little weak for some reason. I was worried because I don't like poems about suicide, but this made me smile

Haha, I love it--how you set it up as a suicide, then do almost a 180 and reveal that he's actually attached to a bungee cord. XD

The flow seemed a bit off, but someone already commented on that so I won't nitpick.

Overall, good job!

You asked for interpretation... It could be taken in the very literal sense, that it is just a bunjee jumper, terrified at the prospect of hurling himself down from the precipice... Or it could be a metaphorical statement on how someone jumped into something, relying on nothing but faith. They knew in their mind that their faith would catch them, but their body was hard-pressed to actually believe it.
In regards to the criticism of the piece, I would maybe recommend a rewrite from the eyes of the jumper and maybe use less complete sentences. More thoughts, emotion, and just the humanity of the subject seem to come out that way. Otherwise, this was very well written.

To be honest, this is just plain awesome. I find your unique style of comedy most intriguing. Perhaps you should post a number of the other comedic litterary works you have been involved in, eh?
Anyway the only slight issue i can see is punctuation but still, not bad man.
Bon chance.

The poem was great, I liked how you couldn't see the end. Young, I think the poem about the basket ball is by Anti-Pop.

Here is the whole poem showing how many syllables are in each line.

8
9
9
5

9
10
10
7

10
11
10
12

I don't know if you meant for it to be this way, but the first two stanzas have a pattern. The last one, however, does not. Also, the whole poem doesn't seem to flow all that well. On-Lookers, should be Onlookers. The poem would be improved a lot if you put some punctuation in there. Well, keep writing,

~Poem

Hey...amazing poem that diverts towards the end completely.It reminds me of a similar poem on this site some writer wrote about a basketball.

Really humorous!

wow, i love this poem! To be honest i think you haven't got any reviews because there is nothing really people would change, i for one wouldn't.
Its just so funny, really nice little poem:)

pm me if you write any more like this, i would love to read them

nadia