Trying to Define Art

thank you verymuch for the positive reviews

ArticulateOverlord, the reference to 'The Raven' was as a link to the horror-gory aspect of it, plus, she is a teacher and was therefore once a scholar, like the narrator in 'The Raven'. it's admittedly a very obscure attempt at hinting that she is basically human and has a past. but perhaps i shouldn't be explaining these things and ought to get people to think for themselves.

furthermore, the lack of capitalisation is links with the 'no rules or boundaries' type thing going on. it can be easily amended if it doesn't work though

wow really creepy and Stephan King-sh. But I know the moral and the motive and the tale you are trying to tell. I like it personally. I like it and I can connect with it somehow. Because I always search for a way to put my whole being into my art. I loved it I think you should post it in Teen Ink a magazine for writers. You have mastered the way of putting your "whole being into art".

Oh! this is fantastic. I just got done editing half a short story on art, and sending it to someone here on YWS, so I think the page suggested your post to me. I adore it!! I laughed quite hard at the end. I haven't poked around on YWS to do any reading, but pieces like this sure make me want to. Bravo!

It takes a writer of real skill to be able to write something so violent, short and blunt and have it still be beautiful.
I really can't criticize on anything. I mean, It was just so...
Perfect.
Artistic.
You are really talented.

Hey,

Thanks for making me feel like going through every piece I've ever written and ripping it to shreds. This is so short but so wonderful. UGH. >.<


Great piece!

*liked*

~Jas

HELLO wow. I loved the length, its just pure emotion, just pure food to feed off of. I devoured it, and like every good thing in this world, it ended too soon, which made it a gazillion times better wonderful wonderful.

This was a crazy, beautiful, eratic, funny piece of writing. Made me smile That is all that matters! I give it two thumbs up. Fantastic job. Write more stuff like this!

my only question is; how am i supposed to be this! amazing. I love everything about it

WOW!!! I love it! I could never write anything like this. I'm a stickler for capitalization though, so that's the only thing I can find wrong with this. Otherwise, it's amazing. This is definetely going on my reading list!

Interesting, but ultimately gimmicky.

What purpose does the lack of sentence capitalization serve? What of the over-wrought metaphor? Nothing really, except to grab attention with how unusual it is. It does an excellent job of that, as the reviews before me can clearly attest, but upon closer examination, there is not much to hold that interest aside from one's almost instinctive fascination with gore. Even so, the gore does not deliver, as vaguely described as it is; after all, it is just part of an over-wrought metaphor.

The gimmicks would have been more interesting than annoying had they more substance behind them, but what substance you have is spread rather thin overshadowed by the pretentiousness of referencing Pallas. Which leads me to ask two questions: which Pallas, and why is (s)he relevant? Why, if it is an allusion to "The Raven", is the allusion present; how does it enhance this piece?

As far as I can see, there is no enhancement, and the mention of Pallas' bust feels quite out of place in the gruesome metaphor. It is but another gimmick diluting the substance of this piece.

Speaking of dilutions, you twice used redundantly descriptive words, which also acted to weaken your writing. "smashed her skull spectacularly" and "my tiny frail heart" were particularly egregious as "frail" implies "tiny" (and vice versa) and smashing skulls tend to be spectacular as a matter of course. Besides this, "spectacularly" is rather weak and vague an adverb and could have been substituted for with an adverbial phrase for greater impact.

Vagueness, redundancies, and trivialities are deadly in pieces as brief as this, as much (if not potentially moreso) as in poetry, and you have a fair amount of vagueness, not to mention redundancies and triviality. As a result, the kernel of substance you do have is quite lost beneath the superficiality of the gimmicks, which is a shame as the core idea is a sound one.

I suggest you pare things down further, eliminating the gimmicks, else clearly justifying them within the piece. As of now, the gimmicks are nothing more than gimmicks and do nothing to enhance the piece aside from attracting some initial attention.

I could say this was great but... That would be the under statement of infinity. Seriously, can anyone say this was bad. In such a short writing, I don't ever see how someone could write something this powerful. But hey, look! You did! Wow! And in all honesty, "art" is a really hard word to define. For the people who aren't artists, it's paint on a canvas. But for the few who get it, it's way more than water colors and funny French names. And you, my dear, gave an awesome, if not potent, view on a little three letter word I like to call art. Other people call it art to, but it's my word. Just FYI. Great job!!!! :D:D:D

Beat it by being minimalist and simply vanishing.....wat deus ex machina?!

Interesting idea and I'll admit, I came in thinking "oh dear..." and then you actually achieved something worthwhile. A pleasant read.

Haha, that was actually kind of disturbing. I don't know if that's what you were going for, but it worked! xD Anyway, I wish I could write something as creative as that. I seem to be trapped in a box most of the time. That was really good though! Nice job!

<BrooklynWriters mouth gapes open she is speechless at the amazingness of the passage>

Hello there,

This is just gorgeous. I've rarely read something so short but with so much raw emotion. Really your presice vocabulary, the rhythm and tone of it all is just breathtaking. This is true art and there are not enough words within me to tell you how much I enjoyed this.

Thank you.

I don't want to overuse the W word, but...wow! xD Capitalization helps, but melikes.

WOW, disregard the un-thoughtfullness of not capitalizing letters that should have been capitalized, this is E-P-I-C. I have no other words for it, especially now that I know the un-capitalization was deliberate. Am I right, or am I right? I'm right, of course...

Just wow, I'm speechless.

dude....this was brilliant!!! I mean i have never ever read anything like this before...!!! unbelievable!!! Hats off to you mate!!!

OH.MY.GOD!!! How in the world did you write this? You make me feel so...inferior.

*bows*

I shall follow you know!

I love this soooooo much!

This is something a poor reader like me wouldn't understand. >.< It's rather exaggerated and quick. It's like an explosion to me, as simple as that - a quick literary explosion. It's too quick that I can't take it all in. Bah! *slaps myself* Nice imagery, though.

I'm just slow. lol Sorry. I actually understood it...but when I read the 2nd paragraph, I was like 'What?' And it left a bang in my head that caused me to be unable to comprehend it all. Other than that, you should capitalize the beginnings of the paragraphs.

(I'm ashamed of myself with this review )

WOW. What an amazing picture this creates! I LOVE this. Not like, LOVE. Oh, the beauty! The artistry... GREAT JOB.

This sort of reminded me of a part of Hannibal. Where Dr. Lector suggests the dude try to skin his own face to feed to his dog.

Anyway.. Keep writing!

xoxo,
Kiicoh.

This is really good, unusual and keeps your audience eating out of your hands. You had a good usage of words and the way you shortened this up and made the story linger after it was over , was nothing short of amazing. Very nice work. Don't add on, leave them guessing. Keep the mystery.

I never read anything so short and direct but yet still convey the same feelings as others that are longer !
This is excellent

As was said in the two reviews before me, it takes a really talented writer to be able to produce something so raw, moving, and blatent in such a short piece.
I have no real constuctive criticizm, sorry. But I can tell you to keep up the good work, and if you would like some more reviews, you can post your work on my WRFF thread (the link to it is below on my signature).
Keep writing!
-Alex

I love the gorey, edgy feel. I particularly like how you don't limit the metaphore to the dialouge, but rather include it in the dialougue and the naration. The last line wrapped it up spectacularly. The legnth is good, short and to the point.

One word is stuck in my head each time I re-read this: "Wow."

Honestly, I wish I could allow myself to get away with writing something so short and so free. I'm stuck in my little rut, and seeing the freedom of this makes me a little jealous. Your narrator at the end is really resonating me. I thought I wrote some good stuff; this is great.

I really can't find anything blatantly wrong with it, so all I can say is keep it up, and let me know when you post something else.

kf