Griffinkeeper

You wrote this in a chat room didn't you? There are too many spelling and grammatical errors to fit. In thirty seconds, let me see what I can do. Ur=Your. ...

The most important thing about science fiction is believability. Without this critical component, the reader just spends their time going "yeah right." That was my reaction to this story. So ...

“We must protect our pack.” She insisted. “We must protect our pack,” she insisted. These are both correct. The difference is that when you put in a comma, it just ...

Please paragraph this, it is just a block of text and very hard on the eyes. This story seems like it gives out way too much information. It would be ...

To answer your question. "Sit. I’m finishing reading over your resumé.” I nearly cringe as I hear her voice; it has hardened so much in the years since I last ...

I wish you had incorporated more about the selection process. How did Sora get to where he was? He could have proven himself on the battlefield, but you could also ...

Mod or no mod, the slap is there. And I'm not complaining to anyone, merely suggesting. That's what this website is for. I've been here for about three years and ...

Then perhaps I'll go into more detail. 1. The Spartans are Elite Warriors. Almost every Spartan is a veteran and have been training since they were six years old to ...

He could feel the shells flying out of the guns as the bullets ripped into the small 'Mech. Usually Mech's are designed to have a minimum amount of recoil; if ...

I spotted another weird analogy. My fame grew rapidly, spreading like poison ivy. It did not stop until everyone felt the itch. But the strange thing about poison ivy is ...

First, don't write the title in capitals, unless you want your title to be obnoxious. Second, where is this story going? Right now it just seems like a miserable autobiography ...

Honestly, why do you even need this? It isn't a prologue. A prologue is a literary device which means you should only use it when it is appropriate. Prologues should ...

For the love of god, DO NOT switch the POV in the middle of stories like that. EVER! To understand why, imagine that reading a story is like driving down ...

Ah yes, the circle of life. I think the story went on for way too long and was way too preachy. This would have been a whole lot better if ...

This sounds like something that would be on Cartoon Network. Since it seems oriented at kids, it's hard to critique. I think this would make a better screen play. "More ...