Young Writers Society

i think that the entrance of the robin was too late in the narrative, maybe if you had thrown in something about it further towards the beginning (obviously grasping at straws looking for a flaw in the awesomeness)
I enjoyed how you didnt use visual imagery, when people become too reliant on it their stuff gets stale, so yay! props!

One of the most original pieces of writing that I have ever come across. An excellent delivery of a well thought out idea. Well done! I couldn't find anything to criticize you on. I loved it. Especially the last line, it was extremely poignant. Congratulations. Please, keep up the good work!

Thank you Wolf! ^_^

Prokaryote

Hey Pork! It's been a while since I've read anything of yours, and the title of this piece caught my attention right away.

Hazards were many: that man's sole; her reckless mechanically-driven speed; his sometimes slanted, sick soul, intent on mashing out insignificant somethings.

So it was with some surprise that this utterly pitiful mass of cells managed its way across the sidewalk, through the street, and into the green park.

Look! a drop of gleaming water sliding down the stem. Look! safe soil to bury yourself in. Look! fallen leaves to feast upon.

The wind, this was more dangerous than the rain.

If the flier were to make it to the tantalizing morsel awaiting it on the ground, it would have to fly strategically.

Huge rumbles spread out into the ground, and overriding even the rain's tremors, the worm's receptor cells detected them easily.

Its earth-stained steel grinding incessantly against the similarly-colored bark, it shook the living house and its inhabitants, sending a dire warning, one that spelled death.

The robin was the first to evacuate, then the squirrels, leaping elsewhere, scampered around the park looking for a new place to dwell.

The tree was placed into a mobile machine and carted throughout the streets, a tainted masterpiece, its leaves floating off onto the street where they would be crushed beneath harsh rubber.

Presently the tree arrived at the dump.

Hm. Too much time on the worm's life in the beginning, not enough time on the death of the tree and the cruelty of the chainsaw. Other than that, very well written.

No grammatical mistakes. No plot holes or unrealistic characters. Good job, mate!

I really liked that. Normally, this isn't the kind of story I would enjoy at all, but it was great. I really love the voice of the whole thing. The only two things that I think could be changed are:
a. When you call water an "ancient chemical substance". For some reason, that phrase just doesn't sit well with me. I'm sure that there is some other name you could use that isn't "ancient chemical substance" but isn't just "water" either.
b. The very end when the worm emerges from the tree needs some work. Personally, I am generally not a fan of happy endings to begin with, but whatever. All of the rest of the piece is so detailed, and at the end it just kind of drops off and is not as detailed. I do really like the first sentence of that last paragraph though "A year later, the dead tree was still there, albeit barely."

Thanks Alainna.

Grif: I cut a lot of the crap out so hopefully it's a bit better. Thanks for the help.

Prokaryote

Ah yes, the circle of life.

I think the story went on for way too long and was way too preachy. This would have been a whole lot better if you cut out the whole narrators observation and stuck with simple old description.

Trees, those maginificent structures stretching to the skies, show the true majesty of Nature, easily surpassing the supposedly seminal standing boxes that dot the streets of hideously synthetic cities. Outshining anything man-made, they exhibit a true beauty. Still, they are subject to the irksome property of entropy, gradually decaying until they are only a shadow of their original glory. Humans, however, may speed this process considerably, using oiled parts working synchronously, otherwise known as machines.

Well, this was very original and I was happy to read all of it without any hesitation at any point.

I didn't notice any mistakes, it was very well written. I like the way you start with a worm and end with a worm.

From when the tree is chopped down until when the worm re-appears is not as strong as the rest. I don't really know why but your tone became more serious and it did change the piece.

Well done, this was a good piece!
Keep it up!
Alainna
xx