Gheala

-->I was at a loss for words. *Make this a part of the previous quotation. Then make a new paragraph for the father's quotation after that. -->my father chuckled,   ...

I open a Word Document, and the cursor blinks at me. Unlimited pages and pages of blank space...and I can’t think what to say! A very nice opening. You describe ...

I stood up and looked around the place. It was a huge, white room. Not only was it huge and pure white, it was empty, completely empty. -You need to ...

Looking around the room, she made out the place she was being held... I think we need a new paragraph here. The leg of the chair hit her heels. With ...

Cassie has not shut up the whole way home. Her teacher is great, she’s made friends, this new school is so much better. Glad she had so much fun. I ...

Hello. I'm Gheala. It was a long journey, but i finally go to the welcome sign of Tolehole. - Make the "i" capital. -Make it "went" instead of "go". Past ...

Hey. I'm Gheala. I don't remember most of that day... I remember getting off that boat... Onto an island; shell island... with assorted bushes and grasses throughout it's surface... I ...

Three people burned to their deaths today, and no-one even asked any questions. Perhaps those men deserved it? I cannot know. Though the crowd - you should have seen the ...

If you could see this world. The trees and the braches. The bugs and animals. All of the beautiful life here in Africa. The land is filled with water. A ...

He was hunched over up against the base of a tree You might need to rephrase this sentence. You have "over" and "up" and "against". You can just say he ...

A tortured girl wastes in the back seat of her father’s Cadillac. That confused me. A tortured girl wastes what? I don't know if I'm not paying much attention here. ...

Her father is an alcoholic who works at the local cigar factory. He’s rarely home. Her mother is unemployed. The recent economic crisis made her redundant. She used to work ...

Someone shook me, my eyes rolled to the source only to find a too happy soccer mom peering over me. When I first read this, I asked myself "what source?" ...

No. It doesn't matter. It won't matter for now. What matters more is your concern for it not mattering and so much complexity over a door and a chair and ...

Then fall the grubby bodies, smoky and blackened, I wasn't very fond of the word "smoky" here. I felt like you could choose a more... literary word. Coughing up dark ...