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Young Writers Society



The Street of a Thousand Years

by Lavvie


So, I'm not very happy with this piece. I think I could have done better, but I don't know how... =/ It's also through the years of history...and I do know the Romans reigned over a thousand years ago, but, y'know, it's there. So. Read away.

____


It’s a street of pounding hooves, of Roman cries,
Of whipping willows and ancient Caesars.
White marble busts obliterated to dust...
It’s the street of a thousand years.

There’s that street, where William conquered,
A lineage, unmarked of scandal, introducing a system:
Vassals and barons and noble flourish when serfs slaved...
It’s the street of a thousand years.

Wander there, the street where scores died,
Of boils and bubbles red: that devilish plague,
And Satan’s quest succeeded...
It’s the street of a thousand years.

There the road to Jerusalem, stumbling down to be forgiven of sin,
The Knights Templar pillaged and brutally reigned, murdering innocents,
But only Saladin could prevail over madness...
It’s the street of a thousand years.

Then here walked the Lord of Eloquence, the mighty bard himself,
Tales of star-crossed lovers and iniquitous men abound,
To the great contentment of the Virgin red-haired Queen...
It’s the street of a thousand years.

It was here the aristos fled la Révolution,
The remainder guillotined while she, the Queen, was a luxury peasant in Le Hameau,
Bright blue gown, a rose as guiltless as her own naïveté...
It’s the street of a thousand years.

Then fall the grubby bodies, smoky and blackened,
Coughing up dark matter, lungs crumbling away in ruin,
And a polluted salary devoid of weight to pay the workers...
It’s the street of a thousand years.

Come the uniformed men, marching, marching, down and solemn,
Rifles latched to their sides, ready to be fired with a bang,
Don’t forget, later, a horrific holocaust and Adolf walked down...
It’s the street of a thousand years.

Days and weeks and months have passed,
Years of struggle, hate and war but still a spark of peace resides.
History is forever to be held,
At the street of a thousand years.


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71 Reviews


Points: 4346
Reviews: 71

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Sun May 08, 2011 10:40 am
Gheala wrote a review...



Then fall the grubby bodies, smoky and blackened,

I wasn't very fond of the word "smoky" here. I felt like you could choose a more... literary word.

Coughing up dark matter, lungs crumbling away in ruin,

"Dark matter" is a little redundant. When I read that, I wasn't very able to see and imagine what they were coughing. Maybe put something that would form a better picture for our imagination.

Days and weeks and months have passed,
Years of struggle, hate and war but still a spark of peace resides.
History is forever to be held,
At the street of a thousand years.

Now, that is my favourite stanza. I loved how you summarized the whole point of the poem into those few lines. It's true that peace will win in the end, no matter how long the wars proceed.
****

I liked the poem a lot. Obviously, you're a fan of history. I'm a fan of Roman history and there was a time when I sat in the library and translated the Roman history books for hours. I love it, how every country and every society has its own traditions which only strengthen every aspect in their life, until misfortunes take place and everything collapses. A bad king or a dictator would ruin the accomplishments of his own nation, then comes a good ruler and tries to put things right.
Amazing thing is that you pretty much put a summary for many ancient societies, even though you only described each in four lines. That was impressive.




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Points: 1040
Reviews: 17

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Fri May 06, 2011 5:41 am
BigDaddyDawg1899 wrote a review...



Im not much into poetry but I gave this a shot. I really liked this line.

There the road to Jerusalem, stumbling down to be forgiven of sin,The Knights Templar pillaged and brutally reigned, murdering innocents,But only Saladin could prevail over madness...It’s the street of a thousand years.

This was a little confusing for me to understand, but that is basically because history isnt one of my strong subjects. I can see you know your shit, so that is good. I also did not find any spelling errors while reading, so cheers on that as well. All in All I think your very talented to put together a piece like this, and feel you did as well as you could have. I don't write any poetry, but maybe sometime you could check out something I have written and let me know what you think. Thanks alot and Cheers!





Well, if I can't get this chapter to work....at least I will have exercised my fingers.
— Kaia