Then fall the grubby bodies, smoky and blackened,
I wasn't very fond of the word "smoky" here. I felt like you could choose a more... literary word.
Coughing up dark matter, lungs crumbling away in ruin,
"Dark matter" is a little redundant. When I read that, I wasn't very able to see and imagine what they were coughing. Maybe put something that would form a better picture for our imagination.
Days and weeks and months have passed,
Years of struggle, hate and war but still a spark of peace resides.
History is forever to be held,
At the street of a thousand years.
Now, that is my favourite stanza. I loved how you summarized the whole point of the poem into those few lines. It's true that peace will win in the end, no matter how long the wars proceed.
****
I liked the poem a lot. Obviously, you're a fan of history. I'm a fan of Roman history and there was a time when I sat in the library and translated the Roman history books for hours. I love it, how every country and every society has its own traditions which only strengthen every aspect in their life, until misfortunes take place and everything collapses. A bad king or a dictator would ruin the accomplishments of his own nation, then comes a good ruler and tries to put things right.
Amazing thing is that you pretty much put a summary for many ancient societies, even though you only described each in four lines. That was impressive.
Points: 4346
Reviews: 71
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