Fool

It's very short for a chapter. It seemed to flow well though. The paragraph where you describe what the mouse is wearing, it'st not quiet right, if you know what ...

Thats nicely written, it flows alright, a nice story, enjoyed reading it very much. A small mistakes i noticed, who went to work hunting rodent most days rodent's? I think ...

Right o, i liked the begining, it's got a flair to it. If your going to call it thing, make it a capital "T" to Thing. [quote]It seemed to be ...

I found that really funny, and i would honestly like to see what happens next, i spotted one mistake though [quote]and ten people sworw they saw you? [/quote] You just ...

Now theres a good bit of writing. It's well written, just a few mistakes. [quote]baseball capsand untying shoelaces[/quote] Space inbetween "caps and" [quote]get people lost, Lure [/quote] No capital

I think Eloere caught all the major errors. You dont need all the captial sentances, start all sentances on a new line and take out the capitals. Check over punctuation ...

Well this story is certainly going somewhere, and its going a break-neck speed. I liked it, the story was interesting, i could get to like Wyes the more i get ...

Paragraphs should be seperated into clear lines to make it easier to read. Break your sentances up, the first sentance is about 3 lines in a world processor, break it ...

Well, it depends what you want to read, eg - fantasy or fiction or horror ect, Last summer i read the Ryan verse series by Tom Clancy, thats about 12 ...

wow, and i really mean wow, thats a good start Jack. Horses do shiver and can die from extreme cold by the way, now, where do i start? The horse’s ...

I liked this a lot, it was well explained, but was it really a prologue? thats was made me think, it sounds more like a first chapter than a prologue ...

I do have some comments for you, the thing that strikes me first, is that at the start of these chapters, Kalaban was a very strong character, and during this ...

I love reading Fiest, but i agree with you, the Conclave of the Shadows series is going downhill slowly, the most recent, Exiles is a real let down, the first ...

It is very hard to read Lord of the Rings, any of it, it took me about 3 years and im a good reader, I would say, yes, read the ...

I enjoyed reading this, the suspence you build up, will this character step into traffic or wait for a space, i think it's very good and worthy of praise. "Someone ...