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Hamstring the Wizard(Ch.2)

by Rincewind


-----------This is just a tid-bit------------------------------

A family of cats rose – slightly more lazily than your average house-cats – to a brilliantly inviting mid-day sun. The five cats had, on the previous day, eaten what would normally have lasted a week in tuna. Therefore, it was no surprise that after patiently and instinctively taking turns to lap some milk, they all went back to sleep.

It wasn’t until there was a repetitious rapping for several minutes on one of the sunroom’s windows that Hamstring finally awoke.

He looked to his right, towards the source of the noise, and upon identifying the cause, shot up, hurried a stretch, and ran to get the door.

*

A cat – especially a kitten of Hamstring’s stature- could clearly never open a human-sized door.

Said door, which Hamstring rushes to while tripping over empty tuna cans, to let in this mysterious morning visitor, is in fact a specially designed and installed (keeping in mind Hamstring and the cats have no concept of installations) leather cat-door.

*

Hamstring pawed the latch on the leather door flap and the flap rolled down making way for a curious shape.

The figure Hamstring had at first taken for Jay Blue was in fact a large golden-furred mouse. It stood a foot-tall, but its irregular size did not occur to the kitten. What Hamstring couldn’t get past was the fact that this mystery mouse was walking on its hind legs, and had much the same posture as the giant pink birds that frequented the area around his home.

*

Something interesting to take note of at this point is the impressive items this large mouse was garmented in. Hamstring doesn’t know anything about clothing, so his young and untried mind registered the mouse’s royal blue robe, which was beautifully freckled with ostentatious gems and needlework, as his fur.

His mind also failed to acknowledge the matching, three-inch tall, peaked, wide brimmed cap he wore.

*

Hamstring was too tired to think of anything to say so he just stared in awe at the most unexplainable thing he had seen in his life. Then the mouse in wizard’s clothing took the initiative and poked his head in the door - politely of course.

“You must be Hamstring.” The visitor squeaked in a voice that sounded quite unlike a mouse. “I’m Dramsquatch, the mouse wizard. How do ya do?”

The wizard reached out a furry five-fingered hand, and then laughed when he saw the expression of incomprehension on the young kittens face.

“Ha ha, well,” Dramsquatch began as he grinned and drew back his hand. “I suppose it’ll be a while before you master that one.”


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Thu Jul 28, 2005 11:51 pm
Muse wrote a review...



Certainly well written. I think Fool covered most of it..

I'm looking forward to reading the next bit :D.WooOOO. * Mutters* wish i had a golden-furred mouse




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Thu Jul 28, 2005 10:24 pm
Rincewind says...



Its not the chapter (at the beginning you see it says its just a tid-bit of it) the chapters much longer, but i havent finished it, and thought that was a pretty fyunny place to cut it off.

As for your correction, you are a hundred percent right.
I had to think about it but he DID acknolwdge the hat, so the "also" makes no sense.
If anything I would go with the second suggestion, and change it to His mind failed to acknowledge.... but I think its going to take away from the flow of the paragraph. I'm going to think about this, thanks Ms. Fool ;).

I will be posting the complete chapter in roughly three days.

- edit-
YES! I GOT IT!

replace also with completely. If you think about it, it fixes the problem AND emphasises the point of the paragraph :D




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Thu Jul 28, 2005 1:28 pm
Fool wrote a review...



It's very short for a chapter. It seemed to flow well though. The paragraph where you describe what the mouse is wearing, it'st not quiet right, if you know what i mean. I'll try to explain.

Hamstring doesn’t know anything about clothing, so his young and untried mind registered the mouse’s royal blue robe, which was beautifully freckled with ostentatious gems and needlework, as his fur.

His mind also failed to acknowledge the matching, three-inch tall, peaked, wide brimmed cap he wore.


I know whats not right, its the part where you say, "His young and untried mind registered the mouse's...." Then you go onto say, "His mind also failed..." the two dont go together, if he's not going to notice it, why would it register? You can either change the first bit to "His young and untried mind did not register what the mouse was wearing..." or just, "His mind failed to notice..." for the second bit.





Don't say you don't have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.
— H. Jackson Brown