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Prologue- The Scrying Pool

by Wandwaver


First off, an explanation. I haven't written anything, really, in about two months. That other prologue I did was all done on-line. It kinda got my creative juices running again, though. Here's the actual prologue to my story, Legends of Esateo, which is pronounced "EE-sa-tay-oh."

Leonidas walked along the sunlight corridors of Annus Dae, his soul for of suffering and despair. For one of the few times in his 3000 years of life, he was troubled. Fear lurked around the corners of the future like a thief waiting to jump his victim.

He was a general of the Esateo, the Strength of the Middle-Lands. Much rested on his shoulders. He stopped and stared out the one, long window that gave fresh air to the hall.

He was tired. For so many centuries he'd fought this fight! For so long he'd been a general, leader of his elves, first into battle and last off the field. So many faces he had seen in life one day and then closed their eyes the next in death. So many enemies his own sword had claimed. So many had gone to the World of Death, others, he hoped, the Everlasting Elf had poured mercy upon and brought before her throne in Life with her.

"Leonidas!" a young voice called out from behind him. He turned and saw Nathan. Nathan was a youth with tanned skin and hair like the night, indicating the east was his home.

"What is it, Nathan?"

"I bring you news of the East." Nathan smiled as though he couldn't contain his glee. "One of the five has been found!"

Leonidas took a deep breath in relief. His mind was still troubled, but this news was better then most this past age had seen.

"Boy or girl?"

"A girl. She is still very young, 12. Her name is Miraih. She was found with the Amulet of Anarth."

Leonidas dismissed his junior officer and continued his walk. So...the Amulet of Anarth was at last coming back to Annus Dae, and with a proper bearer as well. At last, at long last, three of the amulets would be returned to their pedestals, and a new Warrior of Light would be trained. There hadn't been on in seven centuries.

He prayed for his girl, Miriah, whoever she might be. She had a long, hard life ahead of her. Was she, at this time, even aware of the fact that she had elf-blood, and would live for centuries, if not millenia, as he had been blessed with. It would be a life of responsibility, of war, of peace, and of love. He begged the Everlasting One to make the peace and love blissful, and the war brief.

He knew all too well the scars that war could leave in the mind. It was the creation, the brainchild of Death.

He entered a large, sunlight atrium. Here, all time seemed to stop. It was called Il Jezader Tirum, the Place of Ages. In the middle of the atrium was a long, shallow pool with a magnificent fountain in the middle. Thousands of drama lilies dotted the water, their soft, pink petals giving off a fragrance of spice perfume.

He sat at the waters edge and looked up at the pedestals. There was a reason Il Jezader Tirum was so sacred to the Esateo. It was the home and enthronement of the Amulets. In ancient days, all five of them had sat in glory with their Warrior partners. Now, only two of the three remained, those of Greanor and Li'la. Both were gold plates with a fabulous jewel set in the middle, Greanor an emerald and Li'La a saphire.

The others had been stolen and lost to the winds over the ages. They were still visible by their outlines in the dust.

Leonidas looked into the water. In ancient days, the pool was used for the art of Scrying, which would allow the person who looked into the water to view someone or something on the water's surface. It had not been used in this way since the amulets had been taken. A few had attempted to since then. All had been removed dead.

He hadn't expected to see anything when he looked in the water's calm surface. But, his head was suddenly light, and his eyes rolled back in his head. He felt dizzy. Lights flashed before his eyes, always the same, green, blue, white, red, and yellow over and over with increasing speed and brilliance. He was falling deeper, deeper, into the unknown. He glanced at the waters and what he saw made his eyes widen in amazement, disgust, and horror!

A man looked back at him, though Leonidas could tell he wasn't aware he was being scryed upon. His clothes were dark, his hair maroon, and his eyes burned red like bright charcoal. A long scimitar was in his left hand, a human head in his right. His lips were red with the blood of his victims.

There was a flash of colors again, and this time, Leonidas beheld a great battle. Five soldiers rode on horseback on a great plain. Leonidas was terrified. All five were strong and powerful, and radiated the Light. No matter where they went, he could not see their faces. However, he could tell that they were young, mere children! They were not fit for the horrors of battle, let alone to be the obvious lords that they were! His heart wept for the lose of their innocence.

More colors, and he saw in the water a pile of corpses on fire. Armor, arrows, and swords lay everywhere, and the stench of death made him nauseous. It was the same great plain, the same children, only four this time. He still could not see their faces! But, they were victorious! Light was victorious! Life was alive, and death had perished! He knew, because Lea Ectha, the Everlasting One, was with the Four! Prophecies finally would be fulfilled with the coming of these children!

He was torn from the scry as quickly as he had entered, and he groaned in pain. Every bone, every muscle in his body ached, and he vomited on the hollowed floors. He felt like his arms and legs were lead.

A voice called out. A young girl, not more than sixteen, her face filled with fear at the sight of him, leaned over him. She was his grandaughter. Others quickly came to the call of her voice, which was frozen in his ears.

He was aware of the fact that he had been placed on a stretcher and was being carried to the Infirmary. But this girl, his child, remained behind at the urging of Phillip, his captain. She did, but Leonidas couldn't tear his eyes away from her. He had to as the stretcher round the corner, but he had known what he had seen.

Around his daughter was a faint blue aura. He exhaled, and passed out.


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Thu Jun 09, 2005 3:33 pm
Fool wrote a review...



I liked this a lot, it was well explained, but was it really a prologue? thats was made me think, it sounds more like a first chapter than a prologue to me,

One mistake i noticed

[quote]his soul for of suffering and despair[/quote]

I think that should be, his soul full of suffering and despair,

I would like to read the rest of this story, i think it's going somewhere




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Thu Jun 09, 2005 1:29 pm
Firestarter wrote a review...



Liked it. However, I don't particularly like the use of exclamation marks, but I guess if that's how you like to be dramatic or whatnot, and that's your style, I can live with it.

El and Crys seemed to have picked on any things that need to be changed, so I won't go into a detail. Some changes here and there will strengthen this piece, and I think it should go far.




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Wed Jun 08, 2005 8:06 pm
Wandwaver says...



Thanks, guys. And trust me, you will get a good deal of this over the summer. Just not now. I picked, apparently, a very inconvenient time to fall ill...




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Tue Jun 07, 2005 12:34 pm
Boots_snob says...



I think that was pretty cool!!




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Tue Jun 07, 2005 12:05 pm
Shadow Knight says...



I like this (and of course wait for the rest :P) and seeming I don't have anything remotely creative to say, I'll be going now!




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Tue Jun 07, 2005 8:08 am
Elelel wrote a review...



Do you want me to be harsh, or nice and gentle? Answer in the next two and a half seconds or I go harsh ... no answer? *grins evily* Harsh it is!

First of all, I'd like to make a point I've made with a few people now (haven't I Crysi? :twisted: I feel so evil today) I don't feel this, and I want to.
I don't feel the weight of his troubles bearing down on me like they were my troubles, I don't feel him feeling bad for this girl, I don't feel his shock when he sees something in the water, and I DEFFINATELY don't feel horror at the description of the figure he sees in there (blood around someone's mouth has never really horrified me ... don't know why). The only bit I felt something in was here:

He was aware of the fact that he had been placed on a stretcher and was being carried to the Infirmary. But this girl, his child, remained behind at the urging of Phillip, his captain. She did, but Leonidas couldn't tear his eyes away from her. He had to as the stretcher round the corner, but he had known what he had seen.

Around his daughter was a faint blue aura. He exhaled, and passed out.


This tells me that you are perfectly capable of getting the audience into this story, so go and do it!
I want to feel things, I want to be thinking "what's going to happen next? Will him/her be alright?" etc. Currently I feel like someone's reading me this story in a dull droning voice (except for that last bit, which came alive)

Something that would help this, is the one "show don't tell" thing.
Nathan was a youth with tanned skin and hair like the night, indicating the east was his home.

You are telling me this. SHOW me. Show me by saying somthing about black hair falling into eyes, that's a classic. You know what I mean?
And don't introduce characters unless they're important (that REALLY annoys me, when you introduce the slave seving the lady, when the slaves only role in the whole story is to deliver the tea, once) ... this guy had better be important.

Okay ... now that I've gotten past that.

"I bring you news of the East." Nathan smiled as though he couldn't contain his glee. "One of the five has been found!"

It'd sound better if you said Nathan smiled, barely containing his glee because it doesn't seem to be an "as though" thing. It's kind of obvious he's gleeful, so you shouldn't have to think "as though he couldn't ..." see what I mean? That was kind of nit-picky though.

Was she, at this time, even aware of the fact that she had elf-blood, and would live for centuries, if not millenia, as he had been blessed with.

This is a question Was she even aware ... so it needs a question mark. I think you just had forgot it was a question by the time you had got to the end of that long sentence ...

In ancient days, all five of them had sat in glory with their Warrior partners.

no comma

He hadn't expected to see anything when he looked in the water's calm surface. But, his head was suddenly light, and his eyes rolled back in his head. He felt dizzy. Lights flashed before his eyes, always the same, green, blue, white, red, and yellow over and over with increasing speed and brilliance. He was falling deeper, deeper, into the unknown. He glanced at the waters and what he saw made his eyes widen in amazement, disgust, and horror!

Yet again, I don't feel this. Also, too much telling and not enough showing. maybe something more along the lines of ...
Not expecting to see anything, he glanced at the water's calm surface ... and then I honestly can't think how to continue ... my sister is whining at me to get off because I've been on to long, and that is annoying ... but write something that shows his head is feeling light, and he's feeling dizzy ... this just sounds monotonus "There was a bird. It was blue and red. It flew over to the water. It ate a fish." extreme example, but I wanted you to see what I was getting at, I know how annoying it is to have someone say "this is wrong!" but not tell you why, or how to fix it.

His heart wept for the lose of their innocence.

*loss

Prophecies finally would be fulfilled with the coming of these children!

I think it'd sound better if you wrote Prophecies would finally ... instead ... just nit-picky perfectionist me talking.

She was his grandaughter.

You could SHOW this by having her call out to him, calling him "grandfather" or "granpa" or whatever it is elves call there grandparents.

Every bone, every muscle in his body ached, and he vomited on the hollowed floors. He felt like his arms and legs were lead.

Nup. Im not letting you say "and he vomited". You got to give it a little more then that ... gross as it seems, we need to feel this too. Bile burnt its way up his throat ... something that let's us know what he's feeling.

Otherwise, this was good. :D Although I couldn't help a small sigh when it seemed you were going to do the classic mourful/sad elf thing. I like elves happy ... but anyway, doesn't matter in the slightest. I saw another typo in there ... on should be one I think, but seriously don't have the time to backtrack and find it ... anyway, if you need any more help, just give me a call (well, not litrely). And, Good Luck with this!!!




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Tue Jun 07, 2005 12:04 am
Crysi wrote a review...



*grins* I recognize this! Very nicely done! My only comment for now is..

He prayed for his girl, Miriah, whoever she might be. She had a long life ahead of her, one Leonidas knew all to well. It would be a life of responsibility, of war, of peace, and of love. He begged the Everlasting One to make the peace and love blissful, and the war brief.

He knew all too well the scars that war could leave in the mind. It was the creation, the brainchild of Death.


You repeat the phrase "knew all too well" twice in this short section. Try changing the second one to.. Well, I can't think of anything at the moment. But change the second one so it's not so repetitive.

Excellent work! I can't wait to see where you finally take this. :)




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Mon Jun 06, 2005 8:49 pm
Wandwaver says...



haha, I could still use any suggestions for it, though! It is too close, you are right.




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Mon Jun 06, 2005 7:57 pm
deleted6 says...



Good point




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Mon Jun 06, 2005 7:55 pm
Wandwaver says...



Thanks. I use the name Middle-Lands because it is the middle layer of existence in my world. The upper is the World of Life, the lower of death. Any ideas for a better name?




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Mon Jun 06, 2005 7:47 pm
deleted6 says...



That is brillant but using the name middle earth was to LOTR and the Hobbit but apart from that very good





i exist in a constant state of confusion so its ok
— veeren