Fireweed

Thank you! You're definitely right that my attempt at internal rhyme in the last line didn't work. Still not really happy with the ending... I think I'll leave the word ...

Thanks so much! I'm a bit pressed for time right now but I'll be sure to go back and fix those typos later.

Thanks so much, everyone!

I don't having any suggestions, just letting you know that this is brilliant. Creepy, but fantastically well-written. Very original, it captivated me from the first sentence.

Hm, pretty intriguing. Thanks for the summary, Lyrical Sunshine!

What is it about? I love sci fi if it's really good sci fi. But alot of it is cheesy. XD

Thank you! ^_^ Edit: I was thinking of perhaps revising the last line, changing it so something like this: Made the first tentative flutter of fragile painted wings. I think ...

OMG, this is a such a beautiful (though depressing) book! The first pages are rather confusing, but you must persevere, because it's incre4dible. ^_^

Thanks, everyone! ^_^ Nate, you make a good point- this definitely needs more of a back story. I'll see what I can do.

Very nice! Lovely imagery, and the form of a pantoum was very effective- it really gave it a feel of excitement and anticipation. Keep writing!

Suzanne has a point- the last stanza implies that the poem is deeper and makes you wonder if you missed something in the rest of the seemingly simple poem. However, ...

I love The Golden Compass! It's so brilliant, the universe, the characters, everything. I'm planning tho read the rest of the trilogy soon.

Nice, but yes, pretty cliche. But I think there was real emotion behind it, for sure. It was sweet and the rhyme was well-done, but it could be vastly improved ...

I've been meaning to read "A Thousand Splendid Suns," it sounds really interesting. Depressing, though.

I have no critique for this; the language and imagery is wonderful, and it has a very effective wistful tone. ^_^