Dear abbisnall,
Suzanne's suggestion isn't the solution: grammar is not going to save this.
If there were one interesting turn-of-phrase, one less-than-clichéd caricature of modern life a la coffee shops, one reason to care about the narrator--anything--then I could say something positive.
As it is, let's pray in the writer's animal kingdom this is the kind of thing that gets eaten by its mother before it has the chance to walk on its own.
Best,
Brad
Points: 890
Reviews: 915
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