Grey
You saunter through the streets.
Grey, lost in a mirage of colour.
Plain. Dull. No heads turn now,
But you were beautiful once.
For once you were purple!
You stood tall and proud as purple, I remember.
You were vivacious, exuberant, wide eyed.
Spectacular!
Vitality was embodied in you.
But time claimed your glowing cheeks
And made them sag.
And after a time you changed to blue.
And I watched you gradually decay
The allure and mystique lost -
To grey.
Let me know what you think. Thanks.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I do not really critique poetry, but the I do read it sometimes, and so I thought that I would actually say when I liked it. So, there you go, I like it. I liked the language, the contrast - unfortunately, as you see, I offer no real tips or advice.
There's only one tiny little thing:
quote:
But you were beautiful once.
Comma before 'once'?
Esme
I have no critique for this; the language and imagery is wonderful, and it has a very effective wistful tone. ^_^
Just wanted to ad that my reference to purple is a literary allusion to "Warning" by Jenny Joseph.
Thanks alot:D
I love this poem! in fact i'd like to print it of but don't worry i wont
I love the language, the description, escpeciall the bit,
Oh! I wish i had written it. I can't think of a thing you should improve
Charlotte