Fan

When Markus didn’t answer immediately, Creiha glanced at his face to see Markus was staring at the door distractedly. “Markus?” When Markus didn’t answer immediately Creiha glanced at his face

I can see potential in it if the rest of the story goes well but right now I'm not too sure because I haven't seen the start of a plot. ...

Once again you have displayed superb skills in writing. Strick seems to haev gotten even more mysterious for me as I always assumed that he was Svarë, which you have ...

Strick strikes me as a strange character.He is mysteriuos as we know nothing about him apart from he is a convicted criminal with one bad-ass burn. For all his callousness, ...

Her legs cramped hitting the ground with a thud and she swayed her long black hair out of the oval face in which it framed dramatically. -Being medically specific, I ...

Suddenly the old man was one his feet. I think you were meant to say on . You are very good at descriptions and I too found the descriptions of ...

He clenched them tighter, and lifted his right arm to cover his eyes. Clenched what. His hand or his eyes? If eyes, you don't clench them, you shut them tighter. ...

I'm not in critique mode so I'll shower you wiht compliments. Very good. You portray Cat's childish umm..(that word i forgot where you are trusting and caring), yeah well that ...

"Azzia reluctantly shut the yellowing with age book." Try "Azzizia reluctantly shut the book that was yellowing with age." “You can talk!” she exclaimed. “What is it with you humans ...

Quote- "A single light floated around the building it’s guild was Old Man Hendrix’s the caretaker, he walked through the halls opening each door and checking every room." I'm not ...

I think the idea behind this story is very good. And you got good names! I am absolutely hopelesss at names and will spend an hour trying to think of ...