Extraterrestial

Same as aedomir alli could see was 'i' post ot agian and i might actually read it.

WTH im criting you dumass

shrek, just to let you know that the guy above beat you to the grammar and i have already corrected them.

shrek, just to let you know that the guy above beat you to the grammar and i have already corrected them.

Alot of your sentences do not start with a capital letter e.g I instead of i Also there are some spelling mistakes such as: flwing should be changed to flowing ...

Thanks for the the tips, it looks like i need them lol. But anyway what exactly do you mean by periods. Also i thank you for correcting my there to ...

Grammar mistakes- looking for thing to help him. looking for things to help him just something i picked up on.

i agree with shrek, but what the hell is with the a new line after every sentance. But dont let that bother you to much, as it was still a ...

much better.

Hey i would just like to say, thanks for the great comments and tips on how to improve on my mistakes.

Original-Interresting-Entertaining. This was a great opening. Like the idea of a world run by penquins. I also couldn't find any grammer mistakes. So far its good so keep writting. Will ...

It's well written but it seemed alot like Darren Shan's book's e.g the demonta series. But if you could steer it away from that then it could turn out to ...

i agree with the others, about short choppy sentances. But it think they go really well with the piece and so far im interrested on what's going to happen. Please ...

Yeah...umm, where is your opening exactly? All I see is 'Hope you enjoy my opening'. If you only submitted that, then you should click 'Edit' and include your actual story. ...

Thanks now i read it, i can see what you mean, do u think you could give us a hand of introducing the character and conflict