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Young Writers Society



The Quest for Flight: ch 3 part 1

by Shreksurmum


Clumbo and Luke slipped over the border unseen. They came to a small village after following a winding road. This village was also covered in ice. They walked into the village. The penguins here were unusually small but also looked extremely tough. They crept along the dark and dusty streets unseen until they heard a snotty voice come from one of the alleyways.

“what you doing ere?” the voice said. Clumbo turned on his heels and so did Luke, but it was to dark to see whoever owned this voice.

“ummm…. We come looking for someone who can help us get to the beach of Obliv” Clumbo said back

“I can take you there” it replied

“You know the way?” Luke said

“Well I can take you to someone there who can help you, but it depends on what you want to do” the thing said as it emerged from the shadow. Clumbo instantly recognised it from his mother’s animal textbook. It was a Shnorg. Shnorgs are a deer like creature with a beautiful white horses main and antennae instead of antlers. But Shnorgs don’t talk. Could this really be a talking Shnorg?

“You, you talk?” Clumbo asked.

“Well duh!”

“Well, anyway, I need to fly”

“Luckily for you the head wizard there knows just how to make one, but it will be tough” the Shnorg said.

“What’s a wizard?” Luke asked

“Never mind that, I will take you there under one condition” it replied

“What?” Clumbo asked

“You’ll be my friend”

“Your friend” Luke asked it

“Well, people don’t tend to shine to talking animals”

*

Clumbo, Luke and their new friend the talking Shnorg had been walking for hours and they were still in icy land. Suddenly there was a huge crack and Clumbo disappeared. Luke ran to were he had been standing seconds earlier and saw that the ice had either given way or something had smashed it.

“Clumbo?” he shouted into the misty darkness of the water below. Clumbo looked at the moster attacking him, it was some sort of giant fish, its scales as brown as wood, with deep black eyes, emotionless eyes. it had seen him step over a thin patch of ice, and then it had attacked. Clumbo struggled to get his leg free from the beast. it dragged him along the seabed, thrusting his side into a rock, cutting it. The blood flowing from Clumbo attracted a ginormous shark, but fortunetly the shark was more interested in the fish than clumbo. as the shark went for the fish, it let go of Clumbos leg to try and escape. Clumbo did not turn back, he just swam to the crack in the ice.

“Help me up” he said weakly. Luke pulled him up and saw a big gash in his side

“What on earth did this?” Luke asked

“It was some kind of brown creature with sharp teeth and big black eyes.” He said hoarsely.

“Well it’s a good job we nicked Uncles first aid kit” Luke said in a cheery voice.

“Don’t suppose you got bandages?” Clumbo replied. At that request Luke pulled out a long white bandage and patched up Clumbo’s wound, then pulled him over his shoulder and carried on following the Shnorg.

*

Clumbo’s injury had slowed them down, soon they were hungry and running low on food. They had to rest because of Clumbo, so the Shnorg ran to the top of the hill, and suddenly he yelled

“There it is!”

“It’ a big lump of trees” Luke replied, as he ran up the hill with Clumbo walking behind him

“No that’s Bruma wood” The Shnorg replied, his triumphant voice had vanished.

“So…” Clumbo said when he eventually made it up

“Well that’s the path to the beach of Obliv were the old wizard lives.”

Neither Luke nor Clumbo replied to this. They just followed the Shnorg into the darkness known as Bruma Wood.


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Tue Jan 29, 2008 9:18 pm
Shreksurmum says...



can u point out the i thing cuz i couldnt see nothing?

fair enough i noticed some of the spelling mistakes you pointed out and changed them, thanx for that :), but i couldnt see anywhere i had put an i instead of I




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Tue Jan 29, 2008 9:15 pm
Extraterrestial says...



WTH im criting you dumass




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Tue Jan 29, 2008 9:11 pm
Shreksurmum says...



r u just being mean cuz i pointed out stuff in your new 1st ch?




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Tue Jan 29, 2008 9:05 pm
Extraterrestial says...



Alot of your sentences do not start with a capital letter e.g I instead of i

Also there are some spelling mistakes such as: flwing should be changed to flowing

And... i also think you should ditch [s]ginormous[/s], and change it to gigantic- i think it works better.

Also since you have already used slipped across unseen in the first line i think you should change it when you use it again in the last few lines. Just feels like you're being lazy and you have a tendency to repeat words.

______________________________________________________

The darkness is rising, the light fading.

The humans close to extinction and only one secret can save them all.

But theres just one slight problem-its forgotten

The Forgotten Secret




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Tue Jan 29, 2008 9:03 pm
Shreksurmum says...



kk thanx alien, i read it over and redid this, i think it better now




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Tue Jan 29, 2008 5:20 pm
Extraterrestial wrote a review...



i liked it until the bit when clumbo got attacked, it left me wondering because it wasn't explained in any detail what so ever. So if you could add more description to the whole chapter as well as that then it would be great, but apart form that it worked well.








_______________________________________________________
The darkness is rising, the light is fading.
There is one secret that could save the Humans
from extinction. But there's just one problem, it is forgotten.

The Forgotten Secret





“Can a magician kill a man by magic?” Lord Wellington asked Strange. Strange frowned. He seemed to dislike the question. “I suppose a magician might,” he admitted, “but a gentleman never could.”
— Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell