The Quest for Flight ch 2 part 1

Clumbo awoke to the sound of his parents watching the PBC (Penguin Broadcasting Company). Clumbo was a young male and he had only a few grey feathers left. He was tall for his age and had clear white patches under his eye like his father but had a yellow belly like his mother. His eyes were black and his beak was orange. He was a handsome penguin and had always had the same ambition, to fly. He always dreamed about soft white clouds that felt as soft as snow. He was having this very dream when he heard his mothers scream.

“Mother? Mother what’s wrong? Clumbo scrambled out of bed and ran out of his room. Above the stairs he met his brother, Luke. Luke had just become an adult. He was handsome like Clumbo but had no patches under his eyes and his belly was a clear white. His beak was pure yellow and his grey eyes looked like rainy clouds. He wore the same worried expression as Clumbo and ran down the stairs with Clumbo at his heels. They turned the corner and ran into the living room.

“Mother?” Luke and Clumbo said in unison.

“I’m…I’m fine ” their mother replied in a shaky voice. Their mum was sitting on the sofa holding Mr Heak as tightly as a lion grips its prey.

“Your mothers just a little shaken” Mr Heak told the boys

“Why?” Clumbo said quickly. ”What’s wrong?”

“The friendship between our Emperor and the Emperor of Freton has finally snapped, and a war started last night. Being right on the border if the enemy get over the border we’ll be the first town they invade.”

*

The platoon was ready for the attack, they had been observing the village all day, they knew all the ways in and out, they were waiting for night, and for everyone to return to their house, so as to not be seen. They spearmen advanced first, they made no sound as their feet weightlessly shifted across the floor. They took positions behind the houses, and then lit torches. Once all the torches were lit they chucked them inside the house via their windows. Soon the whole of the village was alight. Three spearmen entered one of the houses, where they found a penguin waiting for them with a bow in his hand, he fired, taking out the first spearmen. He had no time to reload and stabbed the second spearmen, but hadn’t the time to recover for the last, and a spear shot through his stomach like a knife slicing butter, the woman cowering behind her husband screamed, but was soon put out of her misery.

*

“Father?” Clumbo yelled so hard his lungs hurt.

“Mother?” Luke yelled beside him. They ran downstairs to find most of their kitchen on fire. Below Clumbo were two dead penguins that appeared to be enemy soldiers. Beside them was another dead penguin which Clumbo immediately realized to be his father.

“Father! Father no!” Clumbo shouted as he rushed down beside his father. Warm tears trickled down his face as he hugged his dead father’s body. Luke ran into the kitchen and let out a yell

“Mother, no, not you as well!” Luke was now crying. He came out of the kitchen and stared into Clumbo’s water filled eyes.

“We need to get to Uncle’s house” he said in a stutter. “He’ll take us in”. Luke tried to pull Clumbo up but he wouldn’t let go of his father.

“We can’t help him now, we have to get out in case soldiers come back”

Clumbo reluctantly stood up and they ran outside. All the icy houses where on fire. The only sound was that of screaming. Clumbo observed the scene quickly. His street was wide and the road was covered in ice. The two houses opposite him were no longer there, they had been burnt to rubble. The rest of the street was blazing and the dead were being thrown out of windows. Clumbo was glad to be torn away from it but only saw that more dead were scattered along the street. It was a sickening sight, and Clumbo was glad to be torn away from it by his brother a second time when he grabbed him tight on the arm. They ran across the street and took a sharp right, followed the street and took another left, this left went into a muddy country lane which was hidden under snowy topped trees. They followed the path for half an hour until the blazing village was out of sight and took another right and followed the path for ten minutes. They came to a big wooden manor at the end of the path. The door of the manor was covered in ivy but apart from that the house looked well kept after. Luke went up and knocked on the door.

“Uncle it’s us” he shouted

In the distance Clumbo heard his uncle complaining to himself

“What are they doing at this time of night? For heavens sake!”

Their Uncle swung open the door. He was tall like Clumbo and Luke but was fairly chubby and looked like he hadn’t left the house for a long time.

“What are you doing here at this time of night?” his Uncle said in a calm yet slightly disturbed voice.

“Our village was attacked by soldiers, they burnt all the houses and mother and father are dead.” Luke blurted out quickly.

“What? No it can’t be, come in, come in….”

They walked inside. To the left was a door that had a padlock on it. In front of them were stairs and to their right was an open door into a big living room. There was a green, moth eaten sofa in the middle opposite a small half broken television. Behind the sofa was a small cabinet with china plates on top. In the corner was a large cabinet with countless trophies on it. Clumbo seated himself on the moth eaten sofa. Luke was explaining what happened in the Village. Clumbo was too sad to bother to listen, his warm tears were now freezing as they trickled down his face. He rested his head on the side of the sofa and fell asleep almost instantly.

Comments & reviews · 6
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User avatar
Shreksurmum
Comment

thanx for the advise, oh and its Clumbo, not Mumbo

The story also seemed rushed too me.

I did not feel that sad when they died, I barely knew them as characters, so I really didn't care for them. Maybe Mumbo watch them fight, and maybe the kid tries to get involved? Much more emotionial fireworks going off.

I didn't see any obvious spelling mistakes. Nor any grammer mistakes, it was well written.

You may want to slow down the plot a bit though, so we can fully experience the world, and its characters.

Keep up the good work. :)

User avatar
Extraterrestial
Comment

much better.

User avatar
Shreksurmum
Comment

ok i've changed it so its better now

Found no grammar mistakes once again-grrrrrr.

Although i think the parents death could have been a little sadder, and to me it all seemed rushed, but that's my opinion.

Just bear that in mind.


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