Evangelina

Hmm. I am undecided. S1 seems to start out pretty well--but "devoid of?" is missing something. Devoid of what? If you mean to connect it to the previous idea, it ...

Gin, I love the last line, and I can see you're trying to make it classically beautiful. The thing with nature--trust me I know, I've tried countless times and failed ...

Dear Penny, I can see you working through all of these brilliant images and lovely phrasing--it's just the structure that needs to tip it off, and quite frankly, I find ...

I love the first line. The atmosphere of...longing? that you bring by begging, " Take me ..." A very good setting starter. my tired lips well-beaten paths for your indulgence ...

I fold my arms and sigh. Well, brothers keep their secrets. I think that's especially true with clones. ^^ mind explaining that? It's quite a good start! Loooove the dialogue; ...

Hmmm. I did not fall asleep. Can I have cookies? XD What I did do was become irate. The main issue is the massing extra words. EG: Do you remember? ...

Wow, Bian, wow! Tres bien! Now: S5 and S6 could be cut. I feel that all they do is drag the first four stanzas [which are amazing]; they are like ...

"Fragile, hurting, broken..."--here the 'hurting' should be 'hurt'. Other than that, it's technically perfect. However--I would try to delve even deeper than this surface. It's nice and sweet; let's m

you have a triple personality disorder we don't know about? That would explain alot...:D Anyhoo, I loveeee it. It is really cute XD -Evang.

Yes, and the usage of a title already famous--"Behind Hazel Eyes" is rather uncreative. This seems the usual faux pas; the weepy, woe-begotten teller. But how can the reader be ...

Proof-read. There are quite some silly mistakes here :D It's rather bland/childish/singular. It seems pretty interesting, but is rather drag. I'd dump the rhyming. The ending is good; what a ...

L2 has serious issues. The over-usage of pronouns is astounding. Try using the omniscent form--I think its called?--where you don't need to refer continually to 'you' since we all know ...

S1--Awesome. S2--somewhere in the middle, I got...lost. I dunno. Like I was reading a grocery list or something. The words are brilliant, the imagery fantastic...perhaps the structure needs adjusting?

"Abraham, oh Abraham!" he sings, and I didn't know he knew of my Abraham, but now I know we both grew up in his shadow. --------- My god, this is ...

I think it was very dry, very staccato. Don't be afraid to let loose, just speak from the heart. The lines here seem a bit forced, as if you are ...